A&B

How I miss that place. I miss being in touch with what people buy, no matter how lame it is. To have a steady stream of CD's running past you, it's a good fun. I don't miss having to deal with people all the time. At least with A/P I don't have to serve anyone. Just process the papers and get things recorded. I hate filing.
A&B was a great part-time. I'd do a few math problems, get startled by a customer. On Fridays I would rarely have more than 40 customers. Say, 57. The first 20 in the first hour.
Fuck Seanix.

Hangin with my Dad is Swell

He just got back from Newfoundland where he and his wife (my wsm*) own a house. I missed them a lot. He picked me up from 'ball practice and we went to Bridges to have dinner. We can talk candidly like adults and it is such a great time.
My Dad, a mature parent I can relate to. He chides me occasionally but we are comfortable. I enjoy it. I had quickly bought a "father's day" present today. I don't dig these hallmark holidays. It's dumb.



My great uncle just passed. (Image above left) He was 92. My paternal grandmother's sisters husband Mac. My mother speaks:

"I was sorry to hear about Uncle Mac. I assume your dad called you. If he called me, he must have called everyone, that is. I don't know if you guys remember him and Auntie Toz (grandma Sheila's sister) at all. They were both the dearest, kind people and my favourites among the Tisdall associated clan. I'm not sure I ever really used Mac's first name...I think he was Henry MacAllister Curtis but always Mac to everyone. Mac came from Virginia and behaved as a true southern gentleman and had the southern accent to go with it. My enduring memory of him was "we all(one word w'all) should go get some neck medicine" which meant some bourbon and branch water. He drove a huge Cadillac convertible which repeatedly had $100. "new" paint jobs. "

*Wicked Stepmother --- She's not at all wicked. It's an endearment.

The Best Season EVER - We are 11:2:1

Avengers ( #12) WIN 22-7 Coastal Flyers (#10) WIN 18-1
Line Drivers (#3) TIE 5 all Eastside Story (#6) WIN 20-13
Rockers (#9) WIN 11-1 Rockers WIN 15-6
OTLB (#2) LOSS 10-7 Blue Devils LOSS 14-13
Ratz (#13) WIN 10-4 AvengersWIN FORFEIT
Grinders (#11) WIN 8-4 Wombats WIN 15-3


We could be the top of the Int. Div. next year. We could win the final. We could (dare I say it?) be moved up.... to the Advanced.
It's just Rec. league, C Div, women's fastpitch but gawd, I love it and we are kicking ass. We talk about it hushed whispers ("Can you believe it!?") It all came together. We are beating teams we used to struggle to tie with now with a comfortable margin. Unreal.

Umpires

So the umpire has to be an absolute power. Hardline to the end. I want to see some serious decision making. No mercy. Tonight the umpire was atrocious, Balls were strikes and strikes balls. Our pitcher couldn't even find the strike zone to establish what to do. It was weak. I was disturbed and angry. Is this woman drunk? Or is she just out to get us? It's one thing to play a team you don't like but a bad umpire too? It's enough to complain about.

Link

The tedium of the Domestic Chore

Trying to get around to some serious cleaning knowing that full well I think better in a cleaner space than a disorganized one. It comes in fits and starts.
Knowing that I have to move.. is just so damn depressing. I need cheaper rent. Gotta move to Burnaby. Excited now that I have an idea of what I might do as a CAREER once school is finished. A light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I'll post on that when I have an idea of how to describe it in more scientific terms.

Consulation with the Universe

--I couldn't find the answer in the space vs. time stuff on the net--


After reading Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse I came to a decision about suicide. it was a revelation. It really turned me on my head. I have suicidal feelings often (I couldn't go through with it. I see it as a huge crime against nature) and I can agree that suicide is a desire to reconnect with the whole, the void, the wonderous nothing. My suicial feelings come on when I feel disconnected from the whole, whatever that whole may be at the time... all of mankind, I feel different strange and alienated. Or my friends, I feel sometimes like they don't understand me and that there is no real connection.
The void can be found thorough meditation and music. That's how I reconnect. That and painting.
"The power and magic of all creation is contained within a single tiny seed"
-Ferngully

The changes needed to bring you into alignment with your wholeness are mirrored in your external reality.....What you see around you is your "homework" in the process of spiritual evolution. Be aware of the gifts being offered in these reflections. You have natural resonance with the hologram of the greater harmony. Because of this, there are no mistakes or failures in your life; there is no way to do your life "wrong".
-"The Mayan Oracle" Ariel Spilsbury & Micheal Bryner

rant

So what's the point, what's the point, what's the point??? Spinning my wheels, roughing it out in the accounting sphere waiting for school. 9 wks. I'm always waiting for the next thing. TIME IS RUNNING OUT. I'm all about the solitude these days after having broken up for the fourth time. It's lonesome. I have so much to do. I'm anxious almost all the time and and I just can't relax. The present is never good enough. Perhaps it's a childhood pattern. I seek too much in relationships. Gotta forge some relationship with myself.
Fate or free will. How much is predetermined? Philosophers help me out here!! If we are truly not in control of very much in our lives... why can't I relax.? Is it advertising's contant blare that I have to GET UP AND GET GOING.. lose weight, bleach and trim! my destiny won't wait for me.. so many times I have jumped the gun and taken the first offer.
I can't wait for science to invade my mind. BCIT, I miss it! Wallowing is getting to me. Too much pointless thought.