dreams

I have lots of dreams, which is rad, but it doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes they are the foreseeing type. Perhaps this skill would have developed further if I hadn’t taken psychotropic drugs for four years. Walking down Hastings toward Burrard this morning, I stopped and realized I had seen this site before… before… before….before yesterday and the day before….
I had a dream once, a long time ago. I drew it when I woke up. I dreamt what I was looking at but it was dark out. I was probably thirteen or fourteen in my bedroom in Victoria when I drew it. I wonder if I still have that.

It’s strange that I didn’t recognize it the 5000 times I have seen that sight before. I have this theory. A metaphorical theory I have of the subconscious mind. Picture a giant office building. (How many stories high … how many neurons in the human brain? 100 billion.) The floors have rooms filled with filing cabinets. Most of the cabinets are chock-a-block full. Clerks meander through the halls sorting files, pulling ones to be used in dreams or during conscious time. I have no idea how it is decided which files are pulled but often there are current files accessed for dreams. Audio and video, some relevant, most pulled and thrown up on the screen for reasons I cannot understand at this time. This is just file sorting… There’s has to be whole floor for calculation. Some part which decides which files to request and I’m guessing it’s a committee decision. Subconscious thought is really interesting to me and I must remember to look into it later.

So, I saw an image in my dream when I was 13 or so, I am now 28. I lived in Vancouver from birth until I was 12 so there is a good change that I saw something from the back seat of my mother’s car.
Maybe that file containing my dream got pushed to the back, crammed under some other file and forgotten until this morning when a clerk pulled it because of something to do with the light. It was gloomy this morning, congruent with my mood and I was grooving on it. So something about the light and the way I looked up at that moment and it hit me. I stopped and stared.
I saw this in a dream. It was dark though and there was fire in the distance?? I can’t remember now. That was 15 years ago.

Romania, I'm sure you've heard of it..a country somewhere Europe-like

I hardly get any calls at this job but the ones I do get often are strange. A woman just called to inquire as to whether or not we would be interesting in investing in a country in Eastern Europe. I had to ask "Uh, which country...?" "I'm about to tell her that we do our own scouting and that we really aren't interested in the solicitation. She tell me a coutry called Romania (like I haven't heard of it) that is soon to join the EU. "What kind of investing?" I was somewhat curious at this point. She wants to know if we will develop ski resorts there and I cut her off to transfer her to the Director of Business Development. I think he will be annoyed by this call but what else can I do?

Twice a week a salesman calls about chairs or building siding. I want to tell them that this company is ginormous... so unbelieveably ginormous that if we needed building supplies we would be able to procure them and thanks for calling but don't call us... we'll call you.

Today is monotonous nothing and I don't feel very interested given M.'s departure.

A535

I bought these antiphlogistine patches because the pain is bad today and I'm hoping some direct contact meds will make the muscles relax. So far.. nothing.. it's hard to tell really, kinda itchy, no distinct hot or cold to speak of.

Okay, now it's hot. (and spicy! does anyone else HATE that commercial?)

That's weird. I don't think my skin likes it.

rocks in my heart

Came home yesterday to find my housemate digging up the lawn. She had inherited some plants from a job site that were just going to be thrown out. She decided to bring them home and plant them in the yard.
mmmm.. digging. I like it actually, which is strange, I know, so I grabbed the extra shovel and went to town. Gardening is one of my favorite things, making things grow. I think the black eyed susans we transplanted might croak but oh well. I have a back yard now! With a brick patio for BBQ'in. (but no BBQ and even less time!!)
I could plummet into the depths of depression right now but maybe I'll abstain. Life just never feels really good, you know. It gets pretty ok at times but I'm quite the 'half empty' sort. I don't think this is a feeling that shopping can fix. Not playing ball this year has really torn me up inside. I can barely bring myself to go the games anymore. I feel so disconnected from that now. I can't really go to the finals tourny because I work this weekend. and every weekend.
In other news: Pamela Anderson is marrying Kid Rock. Blast from the past. Congrats Pammy.

Down with Wal-Mart

Sap its power!! Don't shop there! Do you submit to forever be a slave to the almightly dollar? Leave that beast alone, to push out all its competitors and die alone. Pay more and buy less stuff, SOMEWHERE ELSE. Start now.
This morning I was getting on the elevator and a woman I work with was telling me about how much she loooved Wal-Mart and I held my tongue. I didn't say what I normally would have said, those things I reserve for my near and dear.

"Wal-mart sucks. The products they shlep are ugly, crappy and poorly
made, never mind all the human right violations they have stacked aginst them. Screw Wal-mart."

As you can see I am having wavering self-confidence when voicing my less-than-popular opinions. It's new for me. I don't know how to tone down or sugarcoat these kinds of feelings and I really don't see the point of saying anything at all if it's just going to come out a withered, compromised version of what I really intended to comunicate.

Get a load of this... Wal-mart is pushing Kraft around.. (member K-Mart?)

...Since 2004, Kraft has announced plans to shut down thirty-nice plants, to let go 13,500 workers, and to eliminate a quarter of its products (egads). Most reports blame soaring prices of energy and raw materials, but in a truely free market Kraft could have pushed at least some of these higher costs to the consumer. This, however, is no longer possible. Even as costs rise, Wal-Mart and other discounters contine too demand that Kraft lower its prices further. Kraft has found itself with no other choice that to swallow the costs, and hence to tear itself to pieces.
-from Breaking the Chain -The Antitrust case against Wal-mart by Barry C. Lynn.
Harper's Magazine/July 2006

This article is scary. Not that I grieve for Kraft. My life won't really be effected if their products disappear. My grandfather actually boycotted their products (so my parents tell me). Something to do with how they produce(d) weapons.

fri

hair appointment today. I'm stoked. Haven't had my hair professionally chopped in 10 years, at least. I found a coupon for 50% off in the Bentall centre washroom and decided it was the universe sending me a gift. Here's hoping it doesn't end up disastrous and if it does I'll just chop it myself!
Working 7 days a week has it's ups and downs (this post will be a random hodgepodge).
Down: I never get out of bed later than 7:20 am.
Up: I feel I can justify buying whatever I want to eat or drink.
Down: No days off.
Up: I am making money.
Down: Social life is somewhat constricted.
Up: What's a social life? I was just released from BCIT!

...and my life flashed before my eyes....

On the bus, coming home from work last night. It's usually the same group of people on the 135 SFU between 5:05-5:07. Three blocks from where M. and I are to get off, I'm napping slightly and so are the other tired commuters around me. For a moment there, I had this feeling of connectedness with these familar faces and then...
Some guy in a mini cuts us off in a erratic move to get into the gas station quicker and the driver slams on the brakes. I was sitting in the middle seat, at the back of the bus. [Warning! don't sit there.] I went flying. Everyone grabbed on and went swinging around their poles but I caught air and was lanched down the aisle. Everyone tried to grab me by sticking out their legs. (Thanks guys.) I stuck out my hand to stop myself and its kinda sore now.
At lunch I'll venture to the clinic in the Bentall to have someone feel up my wrist.
There is a ganglion cyst on this wrist already from falling off a horse . Maybe it saved me from breaking it. Calculate the force of the bus after a sudden stop to send an unsecured 137 lb. passenger flying at a velocity of....

Info from The Organic Farming Research Foundation

Why does organic cost more?

The cost of organic food is higher than that of conventional food because the organic price tag more closely reflects the true cost of growing the food: substituting labor and intensive management for chemicals, the health and environmental costs of which are borne by society. These costs include cleanup of polluted water and remediation of pesticide contamination. Prices for organic foods include costs of growing, harvesting, transportation and storage. In the case of processed foods, processing and packaging costs are also included. Organically produced foods must meet stricter regulations governing all these steps than conventional foods. The intensive management and labor used in organic production are frequently (though not always) more expensive than the chemicals routinely used on conventional farms. There is mounting evidence that if all the indirect costs of conventional food production were factored into the price of food, organic foods would cost the same, or, more likely, be cheaper than conventional food. Cost, however, is very dependent upon market venue and consumer product choice. It is possible to consume a moderately priced diet of organic foods by purchasing directly from farmers at venues such as farmers markets, and by choosing unprocessed organically grown foods at the grocery store.

Are organic yields lower?

Based on 154 growing seasons' worth of data on various crops, organic crops yielded 95% of crops grown under conventional, high-input conditions (Liebhardt, B. Get the facts straight: organic agriculture yields are good. OFRF Information Bulletin #10, Summer 2005.). This was by using organic farming methods developed and refined by years of grower experience, independent of the billions of dollars of support provided the agrichemical industries through USDA and the land grant system. If USDA would increase the small proportion of its research funds currently directed toward optimizing organic farming practices, organic has the potential to produce yields fully matching or surpassing those of conventional crops. Growers who go through the 3-year transition period from conventional to organic management usually experience an initial decrease in yields, until soil microbes are re-established and nutrient cycling is in place, at which point yields return to previous levels.

The Organic Farming Research Foundation is a non-profit whose mission is to sponsor research related to organic farming practices, to disseminate research results to organic farmers and to growers interested in adopting organic production systems, and to educate the public and decision-makers about organic farming issues.

Organic versus conventional farming

Good news.* Especially if it's true. I buy organic food as much as I can afford. Usually, its a really pricey endeavor but I've been telling myself that if I don't buy it now because it is expensive, it will never be cheap later. I guess it's working, that or more and more consumers are making different choices because of what they've read or heard.
I only eat organic eggs now. They're bloody expensive at $4.87 a dz but that's only twenty cents more than the free-range eggs. I think they are tastier (less infused with sorrow) and less sick looking than the regular eggs.
I'll look for something else on the net that agrees with this story. Maybe it's going to turn around for the independant farmer and more people are going to eat local foods and suport the little guys. It's cheaper I think and about time, people.

A guy in the grocery store and I got to talking about strawberries. The organic ones are twice the price but we agreed they taste better. He asked me why it was more expensive on smaller farms when you don't have to buy pesticides, fungicides, insecticides or include long distance transport costs. I told him I thought it was because you lose more of the crop to critters and other NATURAL occurances. You can't get something from nothing. I'll spare you the rant on how ants, slugs, rabbits, mice, and deer are all natural parts of the ecosystem.
*The Clif bars are AWESOME.

Migration

The move went alright. More than alright I guess. It was completed in a cou..
wow, I just got work making labels. Goota go!

ABANDON SHIP!!!

Got up early and headed off to UBC this morning to have my MRI. I found the place alright having been there previously to have the BONE SCAN. I filled out a form confirming that I have never had brain surgery, joints replaced or a pacemaker installed. I don't think I'm preganant or have ever worked as a machinist. Not in this life. It's funny filling out forms like that where you actually stop and think "Now, have I ever had brain surgery? Nope! Not that I can remember!" The only things I checked YES next to were:

• Allergies, n/a: avacado and
• Tattoos: Four, most recent 1+ years ago.

I was told that if my largest tattoo started to "heat up" to let someone know. [whimper]

I am scared of medical procedures, anything above and beyond having blood taken. I am really scared of large machines that I have to go... into. More than ever I was paranoido scared that at some point in my life, a small piece of metal had worked its way into me somewhere and it was going to go boogying around when the machine started. Anyhoo.

I put on a pair of over-sized, over-worn hospital pajamas and waited.

I chose Classical Selection 4 from the list of music available. Chopin, Rachmaninoff, Greig, Debussey, Mozart (There were four classical selections all basically the same with one or two composers subsituted in or out. I spent a lot of time analyzing that list.)

Soon, I was ushered in, my ankle strapped down and I was lanched into the pod.

MRI machines are impressively big. I was scared. The techs talk to you through an intercom from outside the room. They forgot to put on my music. When the first scan started I wished I had picked Music Selection 7: AC/DC to Rolling Stones.

The MRI unit is LOUD when it's scanning. Double-plus, extra, mega-ultra loud. Hence, the headphones which are actually ineffective with classical music in them. Imagine a scary, alien spacecraft-like alarm. BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN, ALARM FOR SEVEN MINUTES. The sound of the first scan sort of fell apart and then back together like boring monotonous trance music. Or maybe that was my mind. Then a break. Then another scan, higher-pitch, or a faster frequency alarm. It was really, really unnerving but I held down the urge to fight the machine and run for my life.

I actually fell asleep and woke up later, what a horrible experience. You wake up on a gurney, half in, half out of this giant machine, made by GE, with a timer on it, counting down and that's the first thing you see. There this intimidating alarm sound coming from the machine. There's no one around,it's cold and you're in someone elses ugly pajamas.

I really have to know now if the alarm sound is an essential part of the machines functioning or if that will be phased out of future models. I could have asked for a CD version of my images. I may still do that. My doctor will have the story version in ten days.