Nebulous

the injustice of it all

2006-12-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

Six exams in three days. I'm about to burst into the office of my program head, jump on his desk and shriek at him for well, until the next exam starts, about how it's all so unfair.
I am walking into my organic exam with 80% an' shucks darn it, I didn't really have that much time to study for it so I am going to wing most of it.

I can't tell the difference beween a ligand and tannin or a p-hydrophenyl alcohol but what the hell.
I will pass with 4% on this exam BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. 'The Point' is that I have not been given (none of us) the chance to show what I can do. I ain't super human.
They want us to fail.... I only was shown this diterpenoid stuff LAST WEEK.
Right on. I'll show you ...you terpenoid bastards.
I've decided that having lunch will do me more good than cramming at this point.
So i'ma go do that.

so it's been...

2006-11-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

easily a month since I last made a post. So much school I just can't find the time. I just spent a couple of hours in the pub with some school chums and there's just isn't much to talk about other that what we have due and what we have gone through already today (big midterm). BCIT is a great place to get an education right up until you realize that they don't care how much time you may need to understand what you are 'learning' and that it's all. recall. apply. recall. apply. recall...no time for assimilation. So here I am memorizing for my phys chem exam... it went ok I guess. I'm pretty much depressed. (and full of beer) I want to shop.
I remember when I had frens. :(

My new favorite thing

2006-10-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

My chem analystical instructor showed us this in class. Very cute.
http://www.privatehand.com/flash/elements.html

I'm going to get the DVD and learn this!

(ok maybe I won't...)

Ham juice burns!!

2006-09-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

I worked all weekend I am kinda burned from it. Burned spiritually and some honey ham juice game me an allergic reaction. The stuff contains sodium phosphate and sodium nitrate. Being a chem nerd I checked it out. People are assholes and I was glad to go home on Sunday.
I have a lot of work to do this weekend for school but I have been getting in the workouts too and I feel good but tired. I need a nap.
So far the most demanding class is phys chem. It's hard, the instructor lectures quickly and she expects excellent work on the lab write ups.
I'm going to go try and get a sweat in before I go home. I can run now for 15 mins without an asthma attack. The benefits of less smoking.
I better go soon. So hungry.

---000--0-000-00-0-

2006-09-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Psychosis sucks!!
There is an advertisment in the washroom
On the website I discovered that I have many of the symptoms of psychosis, as do my family members. Slightly unsettling.
We should all call the health department and demand genetic testing then, decide not to reproduce. That's the feeling I got from that website.
I'm depressed.

School is cool

2006-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Shot out of cannon we started the first lecture right after registration on Wednesday. By Thursday, I already had an assignment on something to so with sampling and precious metal ores. I have at least 80 pgs to read on engineering and pulp and paper. I'm glad to be back at it.

Question: Where the heck do the crows go when they go home at night? Everyone who lives in Vancovuer is familiar with the phenomena. They fly approximately NE. I saw them when I lived on Victoria and I still see them.. They cross Willingdon. I should follow their path some day.

random goodness. I got my student loan, so I shall survive. Yip.

Welcome back

2006-08-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, well, I'm back in more than one sense. Back from Ontario and I had a great trip. Secondly, I am back at Intrawest. It would seem the receptionist who took my job finds it difficult to come into work on a regular basis and here I am back in the sweetest job I had all summer!!

I arrived in Toronto on the 21st and my guy met me at the airport. It was very exciting and I was very happy. We took the 'spensive bus ride into the Delta Chelsea where my sis met up with us. She lives not so far from there so we just walked. We hung out for a couple of days, drank a lot of wine on the balcony, took a stroll down Yonge. It was relaxing and good.
M. and I took the bus to London on the 23rd. That was nice trip too as I really like bus rides. Buses that don't have stops, mind you. His place is huge for the amount he pays and it's newly renovated, in a "suburb of suburbs" feeling neighbourhood. Most of our time in London was spent looking for wedding gifts. I'm bad when it comes to procrastination, good when it comes to production under time constraints. London is quaint in some places, grotty in others but over all an ok town with a very crappy bus system. All the cabbies go to Western. Hung out with an old friend and her BF at the Honest Lawyer, a cool bar with no one in it. There is Latin on the walls in the bathroom.
We took the train to Oakville on the 25th. The train is awesome, man I love the train. The height of civilized transportation if you ask me.

My sisters weddin' was a smash hit. Everything was so perfect and nice without an ounce of pretense. Everyone got on well and there were no alcohol induced accidents or breakups. (I did however say something into the "confessional camera". I'm anxious about seeing that video.)
Everyone looked fabulous in their dress-up, fit-outs. B's new family-in-law are kind and lovely people. Other than the grooms minor fainting spell after saying his vows, it went off without a hitch. Poor dude. He keeps tellin' me "I can't believe we're brother and sister now!" I say "but we were always brother and sister." "But, it's legal now!" he tells me. That kid cracks me up.

Wedding celebrations for a couple who have been together for 6 years are not like a big change, but like a party to celebrate officially, the obvious bond that has been growing between two families for years. (Is my sisters mother-in-law, my mother -in-law too? or is she my sisters husbands mother? anyhoo, she told me it was like we had known one another for years. Which is is true in a way.... we have know OF one another for years....)

Anyway it was perfec' and I was so sad when I had to come home. I had to sun tan all day on Monday to feel better. (gaw, jeez) Other points of note: The hotel in Oakville had make your own waffle as part of the continental breakfast. yehaw!

aero-plan

2006-08-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

My last day at Intrawest. They have all left the office for the summer party at Nat Bailey Stadium. Kinda a bummer, just me and the consultants left here and most of them have cut out early.
I changed my ticket some, I'm going out to Ontario early. I call Aeroplan and the hold message is all about how no liquids or gels will be allowed in "carry on" luggage (what about whiskey?) and how they are not accepting flights from the UK. That's scary. I fucken hate planes. Seems I have more and more reason everyday to not want to board one. I'm irrationally scared now.
So the aero-plan is this. I leave Mon, 21st for Calgary at 8 am. I get there... later.. and then I chill for 1.5 hours in the cowtown airport. I fly to TO and arrive at around 6. EST. It's a long haul across Canada. I hate flying. I'm going to hang with B and R for a bit and then go to London (oh, that'll be nice!) Ontario, (oh.) par autobus. [ I am eating Jalepeno/jack cheese popcorn which is nothing like what it professes to be.]
B+R get married on the 26th in Oakville and then I come back on the 27th. Whirlwind tour.

green red

2006-08-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

So after cruising through Wikipedia, I have discovered that my political inclinations categorize me as a green red (NB: the site says "red green" but I am not Red Green. That's the guy obsessed with duct tape.) or an eco-socialist. With that in mind, I have just come across an article in Fortune Magazine which ties together two of my rant topics as of late: Organic farming and Wal-Mart.
It would appear that the movers and shakers at Wal-Mart have finally realized that there is money to be made in sustainable industries and that as Al Gore puts it, "there need not be any conflict between the environment and the economy."
We need an ecological economy.
In comes Wal-mart. They are the number one private customer of electricity in the US. Wow. They've written up all these eco-plans and initiatives and they've even made "sustainable value networks" with environmental organizations because they like to get things organized and this could be the turn around as Wal-Marts rep is kinda in the mud.
I don't really trust this but I'll let them save the world... if they insist. Wal-Mart is very competitive.
The shocking part of this article is that apparently Stone Gossard hangs out with these kids.

dreams

2006-07-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have lots of dreams, which is rad, but it doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes they are the foreseeing type. Perhaps this skill would have developed further if I hadn’t taken psychotropic drugs for four years. Walking down Hastings toward Burrard this morning, I stopped and realized I had seen this site before… before… before….before yesterday and the day before….
I had a dream once, a long time ago. I drew it when I woke up. I dreamt what I was looking at but it was dark out. I was probably thirteen or fourteen in my bedroom in Victoria when I drew it. I wonder if I still have that.

It’s strange that I didn’t recognize it the 5000 times I have seen that sight before. I have this theory. A metaphorical theory I have of the subconscious mind. Picture a giant office building. (How many stories high … how many neurons in the human brain? 100 billion.) The floors have rooms filled with filing cabinets. Most of the cabinets are chock-a-block full. Clerks meander through the halls sorting files, pulling ones to be used in dreams or during conscious time. I have no idea how it is decided which files are pulled but often there are current files accessed for dreams. Audio and video, some relevant, most pulled and thrown up on the screen for reasons I cannot understand at this time. This is just file sorting… There’s has to be whole floor for calculation. Some part which decides which files to request and I’m guessing it’s a committee decision. Subconscious thought is really interesting to me and I must remember to look into it later.

So, I saw an image in my dream when I was 13 or so, I am now 28. I lived in Vancouver from birth until I was 12 so there is a good change that I saw something from the back seat of my mother’s car.
Maybe that file containing my dream got pushed to the back, crammed under some other file and forgotten until this morning when a clerk pulled it because of something to do with the light. It was gloomy this morning, congruent with my mood and I was grooving on it. So something about the light and the way I looked up at that moment and it hit me. I stopped and stared.
I saw this in a dream. It was dark though and there was fire in the distance?? I can’t remember now. That was 15 years ago.

Romania, I'm sure you've heard of it..a country somewhere Europe-like

2006-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

I hardly get any calls at this job but the ones I do get often are strange. A woman just called to inquire as to whether or not we would be interesting in investing in a country in Eastern Europe. I had to ask "Uh, which country...?" "I'm about to tell her that we do our own scouting and that we really aren't interested in the solicitation. She tell me a coutry called Romania (like I haven't heard of it) that is soon to join the EU. "What kind of investing?" I was somewhat curious at this point. She wants to know if we will develop ski resorts there and I cut her off to transfer her to the Director of Business Development. I think he will be annoyed by this call but what else can I do?

Twice a week a salesman calls about chairs or building siding. I want to tell them that this company is ginormous... so unbelieveably ginormous that if we needed building supplies we would be able to procure them and thanks for calling but don't call us... we'll call you.

Today is monotonous nothing and I don't feel very interested given M.'s departure.

A535

2006-07-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

I bought these antiphlogistine patches because the pain is bad today and I'm hoping some direct contact meds will make the muscles relax. So far.. nothing.. it's hard to tell really, kinda itchy, no distinct hot or cold to speak of.

Okay, now it's hot. (and spicy! does anyone else HATE that commercial?)

That's weird. I don't think my skin likes it.

rocks in my heart

2006-07-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Came home yesterday to find my housemate digging up the lawn. She had inherited some plants from a job site that were just going to be thrown out. She decided to bring them home and plant them in the yard.
mmmm.. digging. I like it actually, which is strange, I know, so I grabbed the extra shovel and went to town. Gardening is one of my favorite things, making things grow. I think the black eyed susans we transplanted might croak but oh well. I have a back yard now! With a brick patio for BBQ'in. (but no BBQ and even less time!!)
I could plummet into the depths of depression right now but maybe I'll abstain. Life just never feels really good, you know. It gets pretty ok at times but I'm quite the 'half empty' sort. I don't think this is a feeling that shopping can fix. Not playing ball this year has really torn me up inside. I can barely bring myself to go the games anymore. I feel so disconnected from that now. I can't really go to the finals tourny because I work this weekend. and every weekend.
In other news: Pamela Anderson is marrying Kid Rock. Blast from the past. Congrats Pammy.

Down with Wal-Mart

2006-07-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sap its power!! Don't shop there! Do you submit to forever be a slave to the almightly dollar? Leave that beast alone, to push out all its competitors and die alone. Pay more and buy less stuff, SOMEWHERE ELSE. Start now.
This morning I was getting on the elevator and a woman I work with was telling me about how much she loooved Wal-Mart and I held my tongue. I didn't say what I normally would have said, those things I reserve for my near and dear.

"Wal-mart sucks. The products they shlep are ugly, crappy and poorly
made, never mind all the human right violations they have stacked aginst them. Screw Wal-mart."

As you can see I am having wavering self-confidence when voicing my less-than-popular opinions. It's new for me. I don't know how to tone down or sugarcoat these kinds of feelings and I really don't see the point of saying anything at all if it's just going to come out a withered, compromised version of what I really intended to comunicate.

Get a load of this... Wal-mart is pushing Kraft around.. (member K-Mart?)

...Since 2004, Kraft has announced plans to shut down thirty-nice plants, to let go 13,500 workers, and to eliminate a quarter of its products (egads). Most reports blame soaring prices of energy and raw materials, but in a truely free market Kraft could have pushed at least some of these higher costs to the consumer. This, however, is no longer possible. Even as costs rise, Wal-Mart and other discounters contine too demand that Kraft lower its prices further. Kraft has found itself with no other choice that to swallow the costs, and hence to tear itself to pieces.
-from Breaking the Chain -The Antitrust case against Wal-mart by Barry C. Lynn.
Harper's Magazine/July 2006

This article is scary. Not that I grieve for Kraft. My life won't really be effected if their products disappear. My grandfather actually boycotted their products (so my parents tell me). Something to do with how they produce(d) weapons.

fri

2006-07-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

hair appointment today. I'm stoked. Haven't had my hair professionally chopped in 10 years, at least. I found a coupon for 50% off in the Bentall centre washroom and decided it was the universe sending me a gift. Here's hoping it doesn't end up disastrous and if it does I'll just chop it myself!
Working 7 days a week has it's ups and downs (this post will be a random hodgepodge).
Down: I never get out of bed later than 7:20 am.
Up: I feel I can justify buying whatever I want to eat or drink.
Down: No days off.
Up: I am making money.
Down: Social life is somewhat constricted.
Up: What's a social life? I was just released from BCIT!

...and my life flashed before my eyes....

2006-07-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

On the bus, coming home from work last night. It's usually the same group of people on the 135 SFU between 5:05-5:07. Three blocks from where M. and I are to get off, I'm napping slightly and so are the other tired commuters around me. For a moment there, I had this feeling of connectedness with these familar faces and then...
Some guy in a mini cuts us off in a erratic move to get into the gas station quicker and the driver slams on the brakes. I was sitting in the middle seat, at the back of the bus. [Warning! don't sit there.] I went flying. Everyone grabbed on and went swinging around their poles but I caught air and was lanched down the aisle. Everyone tried to grab me by sticking out their legs. (Thanks guys.) I stuck out my hand to stop myself and its kinda sore now.
At lunch I'll venture to the clinic in the Bentall to have someone feel up my wrist.
There is a ganglion cyst on this wrist already from falling off a horse . Maybe it saved me from breaking it. Calculate the force of the bus after a sudden stop to send an unsecured 137 lb. passenger flying at a velocity of....

Info from The Organic Farming Research Foundation

2006-07-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

Why does organic cost more?

The cost of organic food is higher than that of conventional food because the organic price tag more closely reflects the true cost of growing the food: substituting labor and intensive management for chemicals, the health and environmental costs of which are borne by society. These costs include cleanup of polluted water and remediation of pesticide contamination. Prices for organic foods include costs of growing, harvesting, transportation and storage. In the case of processed foods, processing and packaging costs are also included. Organically produced foods must meet stricter regulations governing all these steps than conventional foods. The intensive management and labor used in organic production are frequently (though not always) more expensive than the chemicals routinely used on conventional farms. There is mounting evidence that if all the indirect costs of conventional food production were factored into the price of food, organic foods would cost the same, or, more likely, be cheaper than conventional food. Cost, however, is very dependent upon market venue and consumer product choice. It is possible to consume a moderately priced diet of organic foods by purchasing directly from farmers at venues such as farmers markets, and by choosing unprocessed organically grown foods at the grocery store.

Are organic yields lower?

Based on 154 growing seasons' worth of data on various crops, organic crops yielded 95% of crops grown under conventional, high-input conditions (Liebhardt, B. Get the facts straight: organic agriculture yields are good. OFRF Information Bulletin #10, Summer 2005.). This was by using organic farming methods developed and refined by years of grower experience, independent of the billions of dollars of support provided the agrichemical industries through USDA and the land grant system. If USDA would increase the small proportion of its research funds currently directed toward optimizing organic farming practices, organic has the potential to produce yields fully matching or surpassing those of conventional crops. Growers who go through the 3-year transition period from conventional to organic management usually experience an initial decrease in yields, until soil microbes are re-established and nutrient cycling is in place, at which point yields return to previous levels.

The Organic Farming Research Foundation is a non-profit whose mission is to sponsor research related to organic farming practices, to disseminate research results to organic farmers and to growers interested in adopting organic production systems, and to educate the public and decision-makers about organic farming issues.

Organic versus conventional farming

2006-07-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

Good news.* Especially if it's true. I buy organic food as much as I can afford. Usually, its a really pricey endeavor but I've been telling myself that if I don't buy it now because it is expensive, it will never be cheap later. I guess it's working, that or more and more consumers are making different choices because of what they've read or heard.
I only eat organic eggs now. They're bloody expensive at $4.87 a dz but that's only twenty cents more than the free-range eggs. I think they are tastier (less infused with sorrow) and less sick looking than the regular eggs.
I'll look for something else on the net that agrees with this story. Maybe it's going to turn around for the independant farmer and more people are going to eat local foods and suport the little guys. It's cheaper I think and about time, people.

A guy in the grocery store and I got to talking about strawberries. The organic ones are twice the price but we agreed they taste better. He asked me why it was more expensive on smaller farms when you don't have to buy pesticides, fungicides, insecticides or include long distance transport costs. I told him I thought it was because you lose more of the crop to critters and other NATURAL occurances. You can't get something from nothing. I'll spare you the rant on how ants, slugs, rabbits, mice, and deer are all natural parts of the ecosystem.
*The Clif bars are AWESOME.

Migration

2006-07-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

The move went alright. More than alright I guess. It was completed in a cou..
wow, I just got work making labels. Goota go!

ABANDON SHIP!!!

2006-07-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Got up early and headed off to UBC this morning to have my MRI. I found the place alright having been there previously to have the BONE SCAN. I filled out a form confirming that I have never had brain surgery, joints replaced or a pacemaker installed. I don't think I'm preganant or have ever worked as a machinist. Not in this life. It's funny filling out forms like that where you actually stop and think "Now, have I ever had brain surgery? Nope! Not that I can remember!" The only things I checked YES next to were:

Allergies, n/a: avacado and
Tattoos: Four, most recent 1+ years ago.

I was told that if my largest tattoo started to "heat up" to let someone know. [whimper]

I am scared of medical procedures, anything above and beyond having blood taken. I am really scared of large machines that I have to go... into. More than ever I was paranoido scared that at some point in my life, a small piece of metal had worked its way into me somewhere and it was going to go boogying around when the machine started. Anyhoo.

I put on a pair of over-sized, over-worn hospital pajamas and waited.

I chose Classical Selection 4 from the list of music available. Chopin, Rachmaninoff, Greig, Debussey, Mozart (There were four classical selections all basically the same with one or two composers subsituted in or out. I spent a lot of time analyzing that list.)

Soon, I was ushered in, my ankle strapped down and I was lanched into the pod.

MRI machines are impressively big. I was scared. The techs talk to you through an intercom from outside the room. They forgot to put on my music. When the first scan started I wished I had picked Music Selection 7: AC/DC to Rolling Stones.

The MRI unit is LOUD when it's scanning. Double-plus, extra, mega-ultra loud. Hence, the headphones which are actually ineffective with classical music in them. Imagine a scary, alien spacecraft-like alarm. BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN BAHN, ALARM FOR SEVEN MINUTES. The sound of the first scan sort of fell apart and then back together like boring monotonous trance music. Or maybe that was my mind. Then a break. Then another scan, higher-pitch, or a faster frequency alarm. It was really, really unnerving but I held down the urge to fight the machine and run for my life.

I actually fell asleep and woke up later, what a horrible experience. You wake up on a gurney, half in, half out of this giant machine, made by GE, with a timer on it, counting down and that's the first thing you see. There this intimidating alarm sound coming from the machine. There's no one around,it's cold and you're in someone elses ugly pajamas.

I really have to know now if the alarm sound is an essential part of the machines functioning or if that will be phased out of future models. I could have asked for a CD version of my images. I may still do that. My doctor will have the story version in ten days.

My museum

2006-06-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

Egads, the day has come. I haven't done half the cleaning that I should do. Oh well. Almost everything is packed. I still have to get:

Beer
More boxes (guinea pig house)
beer

I kind of hate this job. Although, it's more than just nice to have nothing to do all day... the phone has not rung once and I've been here half an hour. In the darkness of this reception area with the weird art on the walls, the giant desk I sit at, and the benches it almost feels like a museum. I need a digital camera and then I could transmit more eloqently the weirdness of this area.

[on the framed relief glass to my left]

Our mission: We begin with a vision and a story. Through a well-researched and very rigourous planning and design process, we transform spaces into magical places. These are the places where extraordinary things happen from sunup to sundown. Places easy to come back to and hard to leave. Unique and memorable places that people return to in order to be themselves.

That a pretty good mission statement. Usually, they say something like "We swear to uphold cleanliness and good quality assurance of fine quality.." type stuff.

i would type in for you the vision statement.. I bet it's really good.. but it's too far away.

Oh, Fortuna!

2006-06-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

I got another job for the weekends. I start training on Saturday afternoon. It's a cashier/bakery clerk position at family run bakery in Burnaby. They all seemed like nice people and although it's only $8/ hours NOW I can support my sushi habit.

THE PLAN!!!!

2006-06-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

The plan. This is THE PLAN. I hope everything goes according to plan. I might include a column with estimated time to complete and then i can calculate how much of this is possible and how much room for error I have. Do a little error analysis. I mean, bejesus, all that calculus must have been useful for something.. let's see.. calculating the area under the curve.. yes, yes.. what was that all about... instantaneous rate of change. That can't help me here. I need another juice.
You have no idea how long it took me to convert this to a suitable format. I tried PDF, SWF, word file, no go.

3 of the 10 recommended servings of vegetable per day

2006-06-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Cracking a V8, this place is great, I can drink juice all day (such a variety of beverages in the drink fridge). It's slow though and I really have nothing to do, although I did edit some accounting thing-thingy earlier. I've done my work for the day!
Yesterday, I read a summary of the Theory of Relativity in words four letters or less. Interesting, but I'm sure lots was lost in translation from physicist to laymans terms. I search for things that interest me on the net and get kinda bored. This desk is empty and lonely. The ratio of tasks required during work hours compared to non-work hours is extremely disproportionate. It's almost disturbing. I have 200, 000 things to do at home before I move. It sucks ass that I have to have every last bloody thing ready to go right after work on Friday. I am going to lose my mind.

I got a call from Forturna bakery. I may score myself a part-time job to go with this full-time temp gig to make more money. Is it really worth it when I already know for sure that even if I bust my ass all summer and all school year (school w/ a PT job) that I am still 5 grand short of what I need to maintain this rickety ship of fools? * Shouldn't I just say no to the part-time possibility and live all summer on Wreck beach? Help me out here people. Can I get a student loan for only on semester, the winter term par example?

*Me, Niles, Wiggy and Boris

clench

2006-06-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

UBC MRI called me which is amazing because Allen McGavin told me it was going to be months. I have an appointment July 4th. The bone scan I had was non-specific which means nothing really showed up. I hope something shows up this time. So far no one can determine why it is my ankle hurts really bad some times (especially in the tendon) and I have no flexibility. It's disconcerting and discouraging that the doctors don't care.
I wouldn't care if it wasn't that my ankle prob. is causing major discomfort contortion in my right shoulder and upper back. Wa wa wah. Seriously though, the x-ray of my spine was an S in the wrong way. I need yoga to straighten myself out since i stopped going to the chiroprator all the time. I can't afford that stuff anymore. It was starting to get weird. After the adjustment my back wouldn't hurt anymore ( as much) but I would feel weird. I don't know how to describe it. It was like everything was confused, confused to be in the right place, I duno. If I could just get my shoulder to stop clenching.

Germs

2006-06-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm reading "Guns, Germs, and Steel" by Jared Diamond. It got a Pulitizer Prize. I think I expected something a bit more exciting. It's more of a chore to read as I have borrowed it from the library on a "Fast Read" basis which means I have to get it back to them in 7 days. I can't read 440 pages in seven days. I'm a relatively slow reader. I read at the speed I would read aloud. For maximum comprehension, I guess.

What I have taken from this so far is that giant animals once roamed the earth right, mammoths, I'm sure you've heard of them. Giant lemurs and marsupial leopards etc. All these animals became extinct because we killed them all. That's safer for us, I suppose, but what I'm thinking is that we have been murdering bastards since the beginning of our time. It would seem we kill anything we are unsure of. It's instinctual. If it's bigger than you and unfamiliar, club it to death. I assumed before that murdering one another was more of a recent thing that was related to the increased complexity of the world. I thought that the modern situation of more to fight over, more knowledge of one another, increased territorial behaviour with less open uncharterd space was responsible for all the violence. When you assume you make an ass out of U and ME.

Other interesting info from the book (I cannot call it absolute fact): More New World aboriginals were killed by germs than by invaders. I did not know that.

I should get back to that book. It must get more exciting when we start making things out of steel.

dude!

2006-06-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13462920/
I don't really get this. So, I think that I grasp that black holes are made from stars that blow out ("when you blow out, like a dead star"..) ok, but then there's this spinning part that is fed from the star (how can that be?) and gravity is not the only force envolved no, there's magnetism as well..
complicated.

Marks - for those who care

2006-06-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

62 math
74 communications
68 chemistry
82 physics
80 industrial chemical processes
65 lab techniques
85 lab safety
72 engineering materials

Needless to say math and chem are the hardest. Physics was my pet project and it really came together just before the third midterm when I realised that the before/after nature of the fact that some magnetic fields are created when a current is generated but also that a current will spontaneously be generated when you run a wire though a magnetic field that is already set up.
Now, duh. So the instructor was saying that all the time but there was an aha moment for me when I realised this before/after dealie and finding the correct formulae after that was easy.
woop.
My technique mark SUCKS considering a got an A on the first midterm and a B on the second. I don't know what happened there. I think she just pulled that out of her.... hat.

we create places where amazing experiences happen

2006-06-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

Temping now. It's great. I enjoy a different assignment every week. Last week i filed for seven hours a day, at 15 dollars and hour for an insurance company which is about how much I would need for all that constant standing. But gosh, do I know my alphabet and the whole thing went well until I got a cold from my manager.
Now, I'm doing reception for a company that organizes Whistler type things and it's a nice gig. The phone never rings and the office is swank. but I don't really have enough to do.
I read my book and drink the free Perrier from the fridge and think about what I have to do to get ready for moving. Moving!! Yay. New place, no cochroaches. No tub either, but the cat can go outside so no occasional poo on the bathroom floor! Yay!

Went to Ikea on the weekend and didn't kill anyone. which was good. It's a long bloody way to get out there on pub. transport. we had a stop over at Coquitlam centre. Nice bunch of degenerates out there. Sorry!!
I bought the plastic organizer tubs I have been dreaming about all these months and of course they hold a whole lot less than I want.

In other news: M. helped me demolish my sofa. It's time has come and although it is heavy enough to be buried in I don't anticipate needing it for that purpose. It was ugly too, so it was time.

Ants everywhere ants!

2006-05-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

There is an immense difference between simply carrying the world within us and being aware of it. A madman can sprout ideas that remind you of Plato, and a pious little seminary student rethinks deep mythological correspondences found among the Gnostics or in Zoroaster, but he isn’t aware of them. He is a tree or a stone, at best an animal, as long as he’s not conscious. But as soon as the first spark of recognition dawns within him, he is a human being.
You wouldn’t consider all bipeds you pass on the street human beings simply because they walk upright and carry their young in their bellies nine months! It is obvious how many of them are fish or sheep, worms or angels. How many are ants, how many are bees! Well, each one of them contains the possibility of becoming human, but by only by having an intimidation of these possibilities, partially only even by learning to make himself conscious of them only in this respect are these possibilities his.

= Chunk from "Demian" by Hermann Hesse

trepidation

2006-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Sitting at a temp position. Not really anything to do, the phone never rings. I’m being paid $13/hr, which is a sweet deal I guess.
After my last exam, school sorta fizzled out. The pub was full of yelling people and I didn’t really feel like joining them. M and I had a sushi lunch and retired to watch television. Big fun.
Man, this is boring. I’m going to buy a book to read for the afternoon or I am going to go mad.
I wonder if it’s a beautiful day outside. I feel discombobulated and confused. Changes in routine always do this to me.
Yesterday, I had a phone interview with a woman from Van-tel/Safeway credit union. It was 9 in the morning, I hadn’t even had coffee yet. I used the ‘word' professionality instead of professionalism. She didn’t seem fazed by my blunder.
I really want my marks. This is the scary waiting period. I only needed 30% to pass calculus but still. Hhhhnnnn [whimper]
My sister is breezing in from Toronto on Sunday and I can hardly wait.
I don’t feel good. It feels like something is wrong. Sometimes, I can get a low level of panic feeling for days. I hate it when this happens. I need punk music.

gyratory pulverization

2006-05-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

pray for me, I'm down to my last two. This afternoon was physics and this morning chemical laboratory techniques.
I thought I was kicking ass in the Math exam until I looked at the time. There was a lot to do in two hours. Why is it I can't solve one of those Newton Raphson things in a test situatuation? I don't know.
At 3 pm tomorrow I will be getting very drunk in the pub.

solutions pending

2006-05-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

After a little break down this morning I am back for more. In 16 mins I have my calculus exam. Gulp. I need only 30% to pass but obviously I want more than that. This course is not fair. Wa wa. TOo much work, too little time. I will scan and pot my cheat sheet later so you all can learn up on linear interpolation and how to find matrix inverses with Gauss Jordan method. Yeah.

Industrial was a breeze. PSst. Accoring to my calculations it's 6.6 x 10^16 steps to Alpha Centauri from here.

I make certain.. that my head is connected to my body.
No hope! That's what gives me guts.
Big fuckin' shit. Right now, man.
-Minutemen,

one down

2006-05-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

five to go. Chemistry this morning and it was a bit hard. I was done the multiple choice in an hour. Chemisty calculations in multiple choice form is brutal. Better than having to write out the wrong thing I guess. There was soooo much material this term.
My shoulder is killing me.
Industrial chemistry this aft. If I get 30% on this exam I'll still pass. It's going to be gross though.

raw

2006-05-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

Streeeeesss is at a bit of an all time high. Working on a final assignment for math on matrices and I really don't get this shit. I mean I do, moderately, but my mind is all maxed out, I can't fit any more stuff in and it's tired. Tired of being a work horse. I wanna to read trashy novels and books about astrology.

And Maple sucks. harness the power of mathematics my ass. I feel harnessed.

At least I finished my project on Soy and what a delight that was! I will be eating only feremented soy products from now on.

[So, the lowdown is that they denature the protein content while eliminating the typsin inhibitors naturally present in soybean meal, whatever they are, I didn't really dive into the depth of the technical data on the subject. Also, be warned tofu dogs, and burgers are generated from soy protein iolates which are bad, 'mkay. i'm off them completely and I sang their praises a few short months ago. Acification/ Solvent exraction processes makes for dead, anti-nurtrituous "proteins". ]

I have had a few appointments with temp agencies hoping to get a job. Last time I was looking for work I registered with 5 or 6 and then got a job from the paper. I was hired on the spot, she never even called my references. I cannot afford to be unemployed. Apparently, I am more employable and worth more now thanks to my glamourous job last summer as a data entry assistant/ap/ar. I need to make money to finance my sushi habit.

In other news: The stupid bloody bleep bleep Allen McGavin Sport Medicine Clinic did not call me with my results to my bone scan. OH NO! I called them and they made like it was my job to beg for an appointment. Hey, now can I puh-lease see the results to the top secret scan you did on me last week? I would have waited for ever. If it's not a medical secretarys job to call patients and book appointments with doctors to discuss lab/scan results what exactly do they do? I think ranting is my job right now. I need some raw fish.

don't forget the field lines

2006-05-11T15:45:00.000-07:00

SO I rocked the Physics exam from a few weeks ago. 19/20. I had to argue for the last mark as I wrote the answer in the wrong place. That was good. So I have 92.5 in physics midterms, 75 ish in labs. and less than 2 weeks till exam nd I am a little scared. I am going to start sleeping on the floor. It makes my back feel better and it's not comfortable to roll over and go back to sleep when my alarm goes off at 6:15. Or 5.

[ the field lines are important. They are in sport anyhow.]

8.5/8

2006-05-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

So It's been months since I blabbed in this thing. School got more hectic and I felt that I had nothing really interesting to say. I still don't. However, back by request.. a little blabbing.
Well, I had an oral report today. That was ok until I got up to present and one of my co-presenters started hiccupping rather loudly. A little on the embarrasing side not to mention it totally threw me off my game.
in other school related news: I got 8.5/8 on a math quiz. That's right folks I got more than the possible amount of credit due to how brilliant I am in math. (Ok, so that's not really true i was just prepared.) Now I am pushing for the end of term and I have no job. I need a job. Hey, does any body have a job for me?? Anyone at Westward per se?..I actually got a post sent to me from the BCIT jobs website. The position available was for a company called DODO something or other. They specialize in the clean up and disposal of dog dodo. No shit. yes shit!! that is what they do.... do.
Yeah. (I'm so good, I should write pop music)

Yesterday, I had a bone scan. Doesn't that just sound frightening? and like it is something that should only happen to old people? BONE Scaaan. Something done to you by aliens. I might have osteoarthritis or something even worse like a piece of bone in the wrong place.
I was scared actually. After being injected with radioactive tracer I was released and told to return five hours later. Since UBC is almost as far as you can get from BCIT I wandered around the campus. I found myself at the library which was boring and there is a disturbing amount to construction going on at UBC right now. I got lost then found some food court area.
The scan was boring. I feel asleep but I swear I could feel the cancer causing death rays pentratating the very fiber of my um.. ankle.

I will not play softball this year. That made me cry.

Coo coo banana pants

2006-03-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel a little insane in the membrane. There is so much work to do. Yesterday, in lab, while distilling 2-propanol and water i asked my lab partner why it is that at BCIT students are expected to complete piles of work under crazy pressure and tight deadlines and then sit and perform labs that involve waiting, waiting, waiting (wastingtimetimewastingburningtime GOD drip drip... drip ..c'mon dripfaster goddammit!!) for some painstakingly boring process to complete itself. He said they want to push us to the breaking point. Well, I think it's around the corner!! I'm becoming determinedly procratinate (tive?)(SPELL??!!) my english is even failing.
Like right now... I should be doing a lab on polymerization. Sounds tasty doesn't it?? Not when it's rubber, fool!
shukka shuccka shugga.

tiME crAMpS

2006-03-23T16:09:00.000-08:00

I'm getting tired. Tired-- tired all the time, tired of being tested all the time. And the time cramps are really getting to me. This morning I had a physics test that I would have enjoyed as an assignment but with the time cramps I was really fucked up. I had a bit of a drugged-like feeling for the first twenty minutes which was not nice. It was like when you smoke salvia. (Dude, time's like all messed..I can like, feel other..... universes.) Unpleasant. Sometimes it amazes me how much I can stress myself out with my thoughts and the direct and apparent effect it has on my body. Maybe I should think my muscles stronger.

The questions on the electric car and the resistivity of a steel ruler were ok. My ablility to visualize in three dimensions has improved so much since I started this course.
I got 66% on my lab safety exam. Yikes. So, I have excellent technique, but I am unsafe. Sounds about right.

Transition

2006-03-21T16:13:00.000-08:00

I am now 28 years old. It doesn't feel like a big change. [There is a great deal of change in my life outside of me... minimal changes inside.] Last year was a major year of change. Speaking of change... spring is here and with it softball. YAY!!!
The first practice of the season was on the weekend and being with the team feels great. I love everybody and with pratice it all flows really well. I'm going to try batting on the other side.

Spring break was over too quick and now I'm back in school and I feel behind but happy. Happy and busy. Nicer than desperately unhappy and busy.
Last night i went to see a lil indie film called The Life and Hard Times of Guy Terrifico. With a title like that.... Good Canadian cinema. It's a honkytonkumentary (??) a story of a fictional country star in 1970 played by Matt Murphy of The Superfrenz. The cast of major country stars such as Merle Haggard and Kris Kristofferson really added to the film. It was pretty hilarious though. [HUMP THE DRUM!] I get a weird feeling while watching these mock documentaries. I can't suspend my disbelief and it feels like my mind is only halfway into the story. That and I was really stressed out, thinkin' about a Physics lab that still, at this moment is unfinished.

I want to go to the planetarium. SPel??

Unleash

2006-03-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'm really happy today. I got the results from my lab techniques lab lab test (lab...lab...lab...)and i got the best you can get. An A and a Good! comment. I was estatic. I had to go to the bathroom and have a moment. [TRASH THE BATHROOM IN FRANTIC TRIUMPHANT HYSTERIA] That and I got 90% on my physics midterm. Which is great even though the material was heat energy transfer etc which I find a simple concept to understand. Electricity, now that's different. Electricity plus magnetism and I get really confused. (What was that Einstein guy talking about?) Spring Break is here!@! I am very excited about it. I am going to leisurely study and take some time to breathe. I know that midterms will come again *SMACK* the week after we return from the break.
I can start my balcony garden and hey where's spring by the way, what's with all this snow. Hey no snow off my back.. or whatever it doesn't bother me right now I'm too happy.
(I quit smoking again, after my two month screwup, I was soooo quit and then along came Christmas, the most depressing time of year for me)

Wash yer hands

2006-03-07T20:35:00.000-08:00

OOOhhhh. Mind the stomach flu that's going around. It's a doozy. I fell victim to it on Sunday night. I puked into the morning. I did not make it to school the next day or today. My friend and her son were staying with me and we all got it. Mon morn we went to a walk-in clinic and we were told that we had step throat and that the swallowing of the "yuckies" made us barf. um.. Sounds like the most bogus shit I've ever heard. I barfed for hours. Retching from the depth of my bowels. Anyhow. I feel a little better now. I got a lot of sleep and now it's back to work. I feel behind even though I only missed a day and a half. Three days and spring break comes. YAYAYAYAY!! Time to do all that stuff I don't find time to do. Like go to the chiropractor.

Desecration

2006-02-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

So some SOB defiled the Buddha outside the temple down the street from my house. I could have cried to see it. With a red marker they gave him a black eye, blood coming out of his mouth, a swastika on his forehead and the words, "I got in a fight with Jesus" is written on his chest. How sad and pathetic do you have to be? I mean, it's Buddha. A source of utter sweetness and light. That personification of sunshine and love would be a threat, I guess, to a sad and lonely teenage kid with something to prove. A statue of a smilling fat man would be enough to provoke a group of kids to desecration.

I think I'll join that temple. Question: On what plane do Buddha and Jesus coexist?

aruga

2006-02-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

oh weekend sweet weekend. The physics midterm was a dream come true. The idea that some of the vegetables in my set stole answers makes me want to puke. It's openbook and not really that hard. Turds. I'm in a bit of an abusive mood. Lots of work to do. math comprehension is blimin' falling apart. I just don't get it. Physics is by far the best class these days.
Lookin' forward to some socializing this evening with the gurrls. I miss every one on the team so much and I need to pull my brain out of my ass.

My fren from Ont. is coming soon and I am soooo excited. We have to think things to do that would be fun for a fouryearold. That or events concerned with plants. Plant events.

listening to slayer "can't stand you" from undisputed attitude. love this album. refreshing.

derivative this

2006-02-15T14:44:00.000-08:00

It gets better and sometimes it gets worse. I just had my first math midterm. Hell, it was. That was hard hard hard. I know I didn't get a lot of it right. It's so uncemented in my mind which is my own fault. There is no point in beating myself up over it ( like I need that after the humbling experience I just had) I just have to push on and work harder. It's always like this. Gawd.

Cupid's Ball

2006-02-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

That was a bust. I didn't have the best time ever. Here is the report.
Ok so I went in the first place because girls at school encouraged me to go. I didn't know what to expect other than it was at the Commodore.
There were not many people there when we arrived at nine. Drinks are ridiculously expensive at the Commodore so we had all drank before. I had half a bottle of wine. Lindeman's Bin 45 2004 Cab. Isalright. I switched to Kokanee on tap (Big mistake, my head is POUNDING AS I WRITE THIS)
The music was loud.
My name tag said Ginger Rogers. I presume I was looking for Fred Astaire. Who else? I thought at least I got a classy couple, but sadly most of my generation has no idea who they were. You know the silly quote: Ginger did everything Fred did only backwards and in heels.
Well, I did not find my man. Guys kept comin' up grabbing my name tag and walking away when they didn't read Victoria Beckham or Pamela Anderson. Not too sad about that really.
I had to go when it got packed round 12. It's not really my thing. I knew it wasn't my thing and yet I forced it anyway. I have to learn to stop doing that.

Bi-polar week

2006-02-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

This week started rotten rotten trotten and I was sad as all hell but since the sun came out I have been better. I have counselling sesh this aft and I am anxious about it. I don't like talking to strangers never mind about unpleasant events but if I can make like I'm a car being tuned up it will be ok, I guess. I don't know.
School is still tremendously wonderful but I have a lot of work to do this weekend.

sun sun mister golden sun

2006-01-26T07:20:00.000-08:00

it's still dark out. I am here so early to research fingerprint analysis. I love research projects about as much as I dislike group projects ;( (I don't play well with others)
I'm running out of money and I need a job. Some part-time thing--I mean who needs sleep really? i'm not the one who's tired. The guy across from me just put his head down for a little snooze. oh, he's up again.
So who voted conservo? I didn't.
I'm having a variety of strange dreams that I forget when I wake up but I think they were important. I remember something.. for just a second throughout the day and then it's gone again. It's aggravating. I need all the clues I can get (snort).
--He's back asleep again. Poor dude. Must be plum tuckered out and the sun ain't even up yet.

Ramble bamble

2006-01-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't typed anything into this thing in a while. School is back in -- full speed ahead. I have kept most of my resolutions. The one about bacon fell by the wayside. Consider bacon consumed. oh well.
I'm at BCIT waiting to work out. I need a little more time to digest. I feel really tired and crabby.

I found a journal of mine from 1998 and it is a total blast from the past. A friend sent it in a box of my old stuff she's had since I left Ottawa. Now, I know truely why I document things. It's a shock to look back at what I was like and the situations I was getting myself into (not good ones). I was freaken all over the pond. A total disaster. I have come a long way.

I have to do another term project. (Imagine that.. they expect me to do work here.) This time it is to be an industrial process. I have selected soy processing. If anyone can come up with something more interesting, please let me know. I thought about explosives but reconsidered and waste management is a large part of what I will learn next term and so I am staying away from that. Other thoughts: Tire manufacturing, paint, glue, fertilizer, Gortex ... cream corn?.. I mean, really I'm at a loss here. How about Saxaphones? 'member that Sesame Street segment of saxaphones being made? Sure you do.

Awakening

2006-01-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

Has anyone read The Bride Stripped Bare? Anyone? Does anyone read?
I bought it real quick at Chapters with the gift card Bree gave me. (Woot!) for $6.99 what was like a fifth of its cover price.
What a fun book. I devoured it. It’s a bit sexy (a chick book my Dad would say) but I really enjoyed it. In some places the author used some interesting phrasing. How I love words in new and exciting, never-before-read combinations. How!!!

2006

2006-01-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

What a blast. Hanging out with the softball team and friends on the sunshine coast.
It was all rather Canadian. I drank Canadian beer, Canadian whiskey watched the Men's and Women's Canadian Junior Championship Hockey games. In a fucking cabin, eh.
We lost power on New Years Day due to a windstorm and had to rough it, cooking on the wood stove, no hot water etc. Very rustic. The cabin was lovely and it was a nice way to start the New Year (Even though some of them actually like to listen to Hall and Oates. GROSS!!!). I hate the expensive downtown club scene. I’ve never really participated in that junk.
I have no real concrete resolutions but I’ll flail and create some:

Diet: Exclusively Veg-aquarian. No ifs, ands or bacons.

Exercise: I fell off about half way through the semester and I really started to feel ill. I need to keep up with the weightlifting. I really have to go regardless of how much work or studying I have to do. Workouts are as important as eating or sleeping. I’ll just have to cut into the sleeping time.
I have been doing situps (100!) and pushups (50 – kneeling ones) every day.

School: Higher marks! I averaged a 72 this past semester and that is just not good enough. The 62 in Physics really brought me down. Wretched Physics.

Home: Perhaps a lil more cleanliness and organization is in order. Heh.
God, growing up sucks.

Speaking of destiny**

2005-12-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

I would love to discuss Donnie Darko but someone I know hasn't seen it... ;)

(Regarding fallen jet engines from the future.. can they travel faster than the speed of light??
Perhaps if there was a tornado... an evil tornado brought on by an evil bunny rabbit.)

Christmas is gone!!!!

2005-12-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

Yayyyy, bye Christmas. It's such a stressful time for me I just don't dig it. It went off without a hitch I think. I got a little too (waayaay too) drunk on Christmas eve with my brother and passed out on my couch with my shoes on. Good times. I haven't done that for a while ---rather embarrassing. What was not good was the hangover the next day. But now I have pure unadulterated holiday in front of me for a bit. Yip.
I painted today and it was stupendous. I forget how much I love it. It's not always easy to be full of inspiration and not every painting is any good. It was better when I didn't care about what others would think of what I was making. Screw them
What's excellent... [[[excellent]] is that Rollins's's's' radio show Harmony in my Head is back on. Hell ya. I have to be here in the school lab to listen to it because destiny** would have it that I have been horribly deprived of internet privileges and as of yet I can't figure out how to fashion an antenna large enough to get radio signals from LA. (and how would I conceal it?)
Listening to the radio on the internet. Unheard of.
www.harmonyinmyhead.com

the show rocks. I need headphones with a longer cord that would allow for dancing.

Christmas is here

2005-12-20T12:51:00.000-08:00

Well, it's on it's way any how. Well, well on it's way. I usually dread this time of year and then some how I get into the spirit the last week. [social conditioning] I put up my tree on the weekend. School is over for the time being and I am really at loose ends. I'm frantically trying to not care about not having any studying to do. I have several days to wait in agony to get my marks. I think I did ok. I had some really solid marks going in so I'm not really too worried.
Now, I don't know what to do with myself. I know I have to go shopping for gifts and so I have a tour of shopping duty all ready for this week.
Yesterday was Granville and the mall.
Today, Granville Island. Drat, it's raining.
Tomorrow, Oakridge, just for the good ol' days feel. My Dad lives in that area and I used to frequent that mall.
Thursday, Commercial Drive.
... and Friday, just for the panic *rage* attack and to have a good laugh....Metrotown. Yee haw.
Kick the tires and light the fires...

Ongoing

2005-12-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

I wish I had something more exciting to report. I feel rather isolated but these days i don't mind it. all I have to do is study. anyone got a job for me for christmas? just until the 4th of jan? seems a bit unreasonable. I don't want to work but it would probably be financially helpful.

just had an enviro test. I break my brain trying to remember a series of reactions and then it's not even on the test:
O O O
= = = ( I can't get my oxygens to space out [[[space out o's!]]] and my html skills are less than fabulous)
CH+ O3 ->CH3-C-H -> CH3-C-H + .OH -> CH3-C + H2O
alkene + ozone = acetylalehyde +hydroxyl+acetylalehyde +water (bye water!)
O O
= =
CH3-C.+O2 -> CH3-C-O-O.
acetyl radical +oxygen = acetylperoxyradical ( or is it peroxyacetyl radical?!? Fun, hey?!!)

There, see it doesn't look so bad when you put it down.
I think organic chemistry is going to be all about memorizing. The english words for the chemical expressions is the worst part.
Off to physics.

marilyn's nuptials

2005-12-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

Why does this shock me? I mean it's sweet and all but.. incongruent in my mind.
Marilyn has long- term relationships I guess. How's the temperature in hell?

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,17902,00.html?tnews

How wicked is Antichrist Superstar. It rules. I have to buy more of his stuff.

Spooky view

2005-11-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone has seen this by now, but I hadn't: http://www.freshtribe.com/video/george_bush_drunk.aspx

What a scary guy. Is it humour?? insanity or just drunkedness... Is he actually really really bright and manipulative? A sociopath?
I was disturbed. What a weird weird little man.
The way he keeps saying "only in america" gives me the chills.

Weird world we live in

2005-11-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

I went to Superstore on Saturday afternoon to get some grocerices. I knew it would be a madhouse and it was. You take your life in your hands going to Superstore. There is quite an organic selection so I was pleased although the romaine lettuce (non-organic = robotic lettuce)is like industrial strength. Lettuce made from torn up tarps.
So, I get to the checkout and there is a "check yourself out" line so I tried that out. What an experience. The lady in front of me seemed to get catch the drift of it and so I thought it would be easy. IT'S NOT!! I couldn't figure out the scanner... I'm panicking thinking whatta joke! How many many many electronic items have I scanned in my day?!? I, of course, had several items. Superstore encourages consumerism with it's everything-you-could-ever-want-from-corn-on-the-cobb-screwers to-clothing concept.
I had to hail the checkout lady three times because I couldn't operate the machine. Then the interact machine was on a timeout. Tremendous pressure from the people in line behind you when you are being your own cashier.
Hell it was. Hell. I will fer sure do it again next time.

The Kiss Cheese alert!

2005-11-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

He had just saved her from a fire, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house and putting her safely in her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.
She is pregnant.
The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been around a Doberman before.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.
A photographer from the Charlotte, N. Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the fireman. He watched her walk straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do. As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her unborn babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

And people say animals are dumb.....
My mother sent me this forward and I started to cry. For sure the Doberman was grateful. Dogs know what fire is. It's rather touching. What a beautiful doggie woggie...
The moral of the story: ALL CHICKS DIG FIREMEN.

Back on Track

2005-11-19T19:26:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little better. Had a good cry, went out to A&B Sound down the street and bought 77 dollars worth of new albums. Yes, shopping can be a girls best friend. Even a girl like me. I bought the new Tom Waits (not that new), Fugazi - The Argument, Chopin - Eloquance a 6.99 jobbie and some hella weird double CD Einstürzende Neubauten's Strategies Against Architechture III . I like it. It's food for thought. I love Fugazi but I like In on the Kill Taker more than this new addition, so far.
Today I got a lot of research done on the term paper, it's seems endless though. There is just so much to know. If I just hadn't spent so much of time flailing around in books and articles about everything and anything nuclear. (familiarizing myself) Now, I have toned down to exculsively the Yucca Moutain Project however, even that is huuuge. So I have two sections. I think.

Section One: a) short short history of nuclear waste, where it is now and how it's stored. b) The history of the YMP site. c) it's passage through congress: several stages of science and bureaucracy and cost d) the facility now, licensing

Section Two: THE PROBLEMS WITH THE SITE.
There are just so many. If I read the entire Final Environmental Impact Statement it would take me years. There are three volumes and each volume is several sections and each section is between 400 and 700 pages. Yikes. So, the funny thing is that when the Sec. of Energy recommended the Yucca Mountain site to George Dub, this document was included in the package. Do you think he read it?!? No fucking way.... Jose.
So, I'm back to thrashing around like a crazy person and it feels pretty ok.
At least I have weird German industrial music.
Three weeks to go.

Starting to lose it

2005-11-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

starting to lose the momentum, the drive, the passion for this. Depression is sinking in. I hate how dark it is so early. I am starting to lose the ability to make myself work the way I need to. I'm slipping and it's starting to freak me out. I have to get it back. I know I get really bad seasonal depression and I just don't know how to deal with it. At least I always go to class. (when I'm not sick) this sickness has really thrown me.
The erythramycin (spel?) gives me diarrhea. Ohhhhhhhhh.
Help.

Mania week

2005-11-15T11:47:00.000-08:00

What a crazy freakin' week this is going to be. I'm sick, I have bronchitis and I am on some brutal antibiotics that really really hurt my stomach. I went to see Henry Rollins talk last night at the Vogue which was fucking wicked awesome even though of all the nights (OF ALL THE NIGHTS!!!) this MONTH where I should have stayed home and studied, last night was it. I had an Mech exam this morning that was AWFUL. I can not understand pipe drawings. I do not understand the difference between a globe valve and a check valve or ....a.... whatever the other crusting valve is, they all look like little bowties. I did not do well. At least I rocked out on the last one. I have a presentation to do in half an hour on the Yucca Mountain Project. I am ready for this but I am afraid of public speaking so I have to be brave and pretend like I don't care. It should go ok. Radioactive waste... I have to say that like 40 times. Check it out. http://www.yuccamountain.org/ I feel sick. I have three more midterms this week. WEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

2005-11-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's dark really early these days and Christmas is fast approaching. Oh, Christmas! I really don't see evidence of it everywhere yet, which is nice. I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas. It takes me a while to warm up to it.

I attended the Remembrance Day ceremony on Friday with my Dad. It's one of the yearly things we do together. It poured!! It was miserable. The least I can do is stand out there for half an hour and think of all the poeple who have died because of war. Two of my own relatives fought and died during WWII. Both my grandfathers fought and survived. I figure that I am war protester and it's my job to go. It was dismal. Around quarter after eleven Dad and I took refuge in Tinseltown to get dry. He had never been in there before and it is one weird mall, that's for sure. I've only been to go to the theatre.

Detox

2005-11-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

I quit smoing. It's been 7 weeks now. The second longest withdrawal in my short history of nicotine addiction. Well, maybe not that short. I've smoked since Sept 1995. The ten year mark was a good time to stop. So I'm off the patches now and it's going ok. I'm not anxious or snappy. Other than the major lung irritation, I'm ok. I'm coughing up every single cigarette I ever smoked. It's like when you are healing, your body does to you, everything you did to it. Yoga this morning was a little difficult. We did a lot of "opening up the chest".
My temptation level is socially drinking with my smoking friends. So what am I going to do? I can't cast off my friends...I'll have to stop the social drinking. So as of Sunday, November 13th I'm going to quit drinking for say, um how bout a round number, 6 weeks. Just til Christmas. Shouldn't be so tough. If I can't even control what goes in my body... then I have no will and no control. It's going to be brutal hard but might as well try. I'm scared that I will start smoking as soon as my lungs are through clearning. I cannot have that. I'm one third of the way towards my laptop.

After this: Caffeine and sugar. Then maybe milk.

Beer before math

2005-10-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

Couldn't be more confused. "Where is she getting this from? How does she know that?" What a gong show. Never do that again. I know why the young ones do.
math was not good. My midterm was better than physics but worse than chem. Ouch. Shit, I lost half a point for using X,Y as my variables rather than the ones that were actually in the equation. Bah!!
Lots to work on and I am sure that I can clean things up before the next midterm. I want to go work out now. I think I can metabolize 2 and a half drinks by now. I mean I think so. Damn it.

Technically Depressing

2005-10-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

First battery of midterms anxiety. I am starting to feel disenchanted. I am not doing as well as I hoped as I think I worked hard and not smart as the ol' adage (sp?) goes. Stress. Chem was my ace in the hole and i did not do that great. 68% CRAP. That's my subject. What the shitters? 4 wrong multiple choice q's and lost marks because of fucking SF's. I totally forgot about sig figs for that one.
I am pissed. I'm going to dig into the Nuclear Technical Review Board Report 2004. It's research for my term paper. Juicy reading. More insight into the way the world works. Scary shit. Bye bye, fun. Hello, studying on the toliet.

Midterms

2005-10-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

This is the week from HELL. I studied really hard for physics, math and chem and totally neglected engineering drawing which is what i have in 31 minutes. I truely believe it is too late now, so I might as well chill. I had yoga this morning at 6:45 so my hips are all open and I feel pretty good. A major abdominal workout it was.
Time is not on my side these days. I got behind by working on Saturday. A school friend works for a book company so I helped "assemble" in the warehouse. Assemble means to open pallets, take boxes off, check to see what they are, put some back on new pallets for various customers and the rest gets inventoried. Fairly boring and labour-intensive. I can lift, but I cannot lift over my head. It's interesting the shift between the back and arms muscles and then the shoulders.
BCIT RANT: Even if I worked as hard as I could, for ALL available time* I would still not be where I want to be.

*AVAILABLE TIME I do not skimpt on eating and sleeping. I feel that these are things I have to do, to live. I cannot think when I am tired and hungry. Exercise too, has NOT fallen by the wayside this term, as I feel it is essential to my life. I do not study on the bus, on the toilet or while brushing my teeth.

I feel quite good. I have not had a cigarette in 3 weeks 5 days. That feels really really good. Breathing, who knew it could be so easy?

Given up

2005-10-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

I almost don't care anymore about these jerks who tag advertizing on my blog. I'm almost past caring. I don't really care about much expect school. That's such a lie. I should make it that way though.
Long weekend. What should I do? I could go away to the Sunshine Coast for a bit with the ball team. Or I could stay home and study. "I need a big loan from a girl zone." -Tori
Cheap red wine is never a good idea.
Today I am going to collect water samples in the rain. Better get caffeinated for the adventure.

Which witch? the wicked witch!

2005-10-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

What's with the not sleeping? It seems to be a disease going around. Did anyone read that book by Stephen King, Insomnia? It didn't do that well. 'Bout a bunch of old people, everyone starts seeing auras. Damn I hope it doesn't come to that point.
At least I'm finished early today. Time to get in a workout. My shoulder is worse than ever. My yoga instrutor used the word "sclerosis" when looking at my spine. It freaked me out. Now I am convinced that I am becoming crippled and there ain't shit nothing I can do about it. Lie on the floor and try and think relaxed thoughts in to it.
I'm going to be a crippled little old woman working in a lab. Sweeet.
A witch maybe.

I miss my blogging

2005-10-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

I have been so neglectful of this journal. School is busy and I am learning a lot. I really love this program. I still have no internet at home which a real pain in the ass. I have not written to the cops to request my file. I might try at some point today. Treat it like practice for my Technical Communication course.
I miss my friends in the old spheres but I feel now like I have made the transition.

Math quiz 1: 5.5/8 (WTF!!! "Kristina's creative math" to blame... F@#!ken nested fractions)
Physics lab 1: 6.5/10 I could not have cared less about this.
Chem lab 1: 10/10 Hell yeah, I found all the cations.
Engineering mats quiz 1: 11/17. I hate multiple choice.
Comm assign 1: 86% pfff.. memos.

So far pretty mediocre performance. I have to kick it up a notch. Do a lot more physics as the instructor is more of a physicist than a teacher.

The gym here rules, as it is free, and I am taking Iyengar yoga at 6:45 on Tuesdays.

Identity Theft

2005-09-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

My house was broken into in 2001. Some asshole crackhead muthfucka actually came into my home (jacked my glass sliding door) while I was sleeping and stole my purse. All of my ID was taken. Two years later, I received a collections letter regarding an outstanding FIDO bill. At that point in my life, I had never had a cell phone. I contacted FIDO and there was a long drawn-out experience envolving the police and the fraud department to clear my name of the charges.
Damn crackhead did it twice!!

(PLEASE NOTE: The regular law-abidding citizen who is a victim of ID theft cannot go to a police station and begin the process of investigation. You cannot call or email an officer. You must call 911 and then wait til they get their lazy asses to your place of residence. They will not show up because there are always victims/criminals more important than you.)

I thought that was hell. I was instructed to call 911 and report that my identity had been stolen. I waiting for hours, two night in a row for a constable to show up to take my report. Because I wasn't a major priority, they ignored me. I gave up and just put the pressure on FIDO.

"Why would I open an account with my name spelled incorrectly?? No, I have never
lived on 41st!! Yes.... that is my SIN number...."
So now the plot thickens.
I called to get myself an internet acc't with Shaw. It appears that I racked up a 400 dollar cable bill in 2003.
I NEVER EVEN HAD A TELEVISION IN 2003.
So here we go again. I have to tell the story to Shaw. They tell me to call 911, which I do. The dispatch tells me that the police do not investigate these crimes (WHAT THE FUCK!!!) and that I have to tell Shaw to investigate themselves as they opened the acc't without references. (do I detect some resentment?)
When I call Shaw and tell them the police view, they insist that they will do nothing without a police report. I was livid. What do I do now? I rip a small strip off the Shaw bitch, then apologize. I wanted to make her eat dirt.
I call the non-emergency police dispatch. She explains that there is some grey area around the law here and that 911 used to handle it but now they don't blah blah blah. I am patched through to the Financial Crime Unit. (there's a UNIT?!!!)
NB: the police do not like to actually investigate.. Any opportunity to get the citizen to investigate for them and submit results (hell, even apprehend criminals for them) they like.
I am told that I have to call 911 AGAIN, and ask for my file number. I was on the ceiling!! Uber-professional, cold, concise and direct. How can they not understand what a ridiculous run-around this is??
Apparently the police records pre-2003 were transcribed recently to a new computer system. I gave my info regarding the crime and got my file number. To my bitter and violent delight, someone transcribed my name as Cynthia. That is not my name. Sooo, to add to the confusion the original police report has the wrong name. Fabulous. Like shit could get any more FUCKED.
So what's the next step? I have to WRITE A LETTER (no phone calls, faxes or emails. The police hope it gets lost in the mail) requesting my file. Wait 6-8 weeks for it to arrive and they forward it to Shaw Cable so that I can be absolved of this charge. In the meantime, no internet. I am in school therefore it is imperative that I have access to the internet. I have a huge research project starting, UM, now.
So, what do I do? Well, I am still getting over the bitterness. When it passes, I will call Shaw and find out if I can have an account in the meantime. If that doesn't happen I will contact my MP ( at the advise of a fren) and make the biggest stink possible.
I am a victim of a crime, man.

The move was successful

2005-09-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

Here I am @ skool using the computers because I still have not called Shaw. D'oh!
The move was as painless as possible and I am mostly settled. The feeling like I moved all my stuff into a hotel is starting to receed. Niles is ok with the balcony I think. He took a good look at the distance to the concrete parking lot below and decided against jumping, to my great relief. I was hysterical watching him lean over the edge. I lured him back with veggie 'Canadian bacon'. How hilarious is that?
My schedule looks not too bad. I had a dream last night that my fren Liz from TE would be placed in a different set this year. I was right! Weird. She's in B and I'm in C. Damn it! We ditched out on most of the 'Welcome to BCIT' events and bought some books.
Tomorrow we start for real.

18.75 hrs to go

2005-08-30T23:13:00.000-07:00

I feel more at ease now. Today has been snarky stress and anxiety all day. Dad and I moved my bros bed to my new place. It got wet on the way on account of the rain. Blasted rain. I am drinkin' a mix of The Switch Watermelon Strawberry *flat* cola and a travellers size bottle of CC that Jena gave me. Delicious. Better than you'd think it'd be.
I have hope for the future. Today, it's going to be ok. Tomorrow will a breeze. I have a plan and all the different tasks are laid out with time limits for each one. toilet = ten minutes. bathtub = 30 mins. Most things are portable. According to my calculations, I have nine hrs tomorrow to go insane. Insane in the membrane, insane in the whole brain.
This will possibly be my last entry for a while. My internet service and phone will be cut tomrrow but no worry, I have a cell phone!!
At 11 this morning I realized I had not taken care of a few things. I called Telus and cancelled cancelled cancelled then I ran down to Ralph's Radio down the road. I bought this flashy little number (mine is red!) that works so far. The plan ain't great. I dashed and took the first reasonable sounding thing. It may get turned off a lot. I don't want to be one of those people who call someone every two seconds.

42 hrs to go

2005-08-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

I signed my lease. I initialed something about not bringing in fur-covered or non-fur covered animals (damn! I can't bring in my stud iguana) that I had not yet declared to the landlord. I can terminate my lease that way. Gulp.
I took a look around on the way to BCIT to get a new ID card and there is a nice neighbourhood just past Boundary. I won't be stranded. There's a hardware store AND a liquor store and I found the Apple Barn Grocery the massage therapist was talking about.
I have so much more to do!
Exhaustion.....my knee hurts a bit from sliding yesterday. NO warmup is a bad idea.

I can't write anything more than blunt, bland sentences right now, so I'm out.

Monday

2005-08-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

Oh lovely day! Waking up at nine. I would be gazing at the clock in the corner of my desktop of my computer right now, pining for it to get past nine, if I were workin'! 8:47.....8:53.......8:59.
Today, I have lots of stuff to do.
Yesterday was a blast and busy too. Busy busy. There was quite the cloud burst around 6:30. I was playing ball in that rain. A&B threw together an inter-store softball game: Seymour vs. Hastings. Naturally, considering my afiliation, I played for Seymour but I cheered for both sides. I was ready to poop out around the sixth. It was starting to suck. Playing softball when the rain is coming down in sheets isn't the most fun. We lost bad. 12 - 24 or something like that. (I didn't EVEN THINK to bring booze!! ;0) It was fun though. I am virtually trained to take a lead-off when the ball leaves the pitchers hand. It was very difficult to stay glued to the bag. Don't touch home plate?? Slowpitch is weeeeird.

Licentious formations

2005-08-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

On my way to work on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) I found a page of a book on the sidewalk. Being the kind of person who considers these chance happenings to be some sort of clue from the Universe I picked it up and it's been in my purse until now. I have just I read it and i didn't recognize it. Google says it's part of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Interesting. It is a message. I don't know what it means though (heh)

li·cen·tious
( P ) Pronunciation
Key (l-snshs)adj.
Lacking moral discipline or ignoring legal
restraint, especially in sexual conduct.
Having no regard for accepted rules
or standards.

I read this book a long time ago. I don't remember much of what I read, I was maybe 11 at the time. Introducing page 65/66.

Begining of the Day

2005-08-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, last night was awful but I figured out how I got into such a state.

1. Ends of things always upset me even when i have been waiting expectantly for them for some time. The Westward dropoff was sudden, when it FINALLY came. If that makes any sense.
2. I am mostly vegetarian (no longtime food stores.)
3. I am hypoglycemic.
4. I'm on a depression down-swing.
5. Two pints of shite-ass beer and meager nacho chips is not nutrition.
Therefore, I came home and fell through the floor. When I get that bad I can't even force myself to eat.

I did not go to look for food like I said I was going to. I went looking for booze. I went to the Kingsgate Mall Liquor Store and selected a small bottle of Drambuie and a bottle of Boone's which was on special (3.99!) In line, the cashier asked for my ID even before it was my turn. I looked like shit. Searching, I realized that I had no ID. I last had it at the Biltmore. It's in a pair of pants somewhere. DAMN IT!!!

I was denied.
I am 27.
Oh well, it was for the best.
At home, I lay on the floor for a while with Come in and Burn in my ears. (More on the wonder of Henry Rollins later.)

......
....
..
.
Eventually, I got up and made myself a piece of toast with almond butter which I ate with a swig of So Nice.

I slept on the couch. The next door girl was having a party. The raucous gaity woke me up around 12.30. I didn't get back to sleep for a couple of hrs and moved into my bedroom. My bed has been disposed of, you see. A casuality in the war against fleas. Ikea here I come.
Today, I feel better. The begining of the day kicks ass on the end.
The end is hard as hell.

Full-on

2005-08-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

I have to come clean. I don't know why I exist. I wish I knew why. It's just sperm meets egg and I came into existance. I want to believe that there was a divine presence involved bucause hell yeah I see what I can do sometimes. Other times I feel like a useless being. I do nothing special. I am about to embark on a 40,000 dollar adventure into education and what's the point? What am I going to be when I'm finished??? A technician. Just another lowly grunt and I look around and i see talented people everywhere doing their thing and I have no thing. I am just filler or it feels that way right now. That woman broke me. She ruined my ability to see my own worth and now I coast. I am so self destructive. If it were not that I see some value in my being I would have offed myself a long time ago. That and no one would care for Niles. I live for Niles and the people who would be sad if I killed myself. I should still be in therapy. This cannot be fixed. When I get this low, it always comes back up. The brain equalizer chemicals kick in and I go back up. I'm going to get food.

Oh loneliness

2005-08-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

My work function "farewell" was dismal. Sure there were people there who I like and would like to get to know better but there wasn't a festive feel to it. We had to almost shout to be heard over the music and chat on the patio. I feel very let down now. Everyone is busy. I want to keep partying. More so I want to be with people who love me. Like all of us, I feel misunderstood most of the time. I might walk up to the booze store and buy more to drink. There is no one to call.

I am suicidal about three times a week on a bad week. Maybe once every two weeks when it is going good. I have some serious self-viewing problem. I had only two pints just now and I feel really alone. I miss weed. I'm talking to myself here and most of the time. There is no real communion with any being other than God and some philosophy speculates that there is no higher being. What gives? This rant feels theraputic.

I am on my own and I know it. I have a certain amount of time left and I should not squander it. Then what do I do when I feel like this?

Tarot

2005-08-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

Change

2005-08-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

Change is permanent is what Garth says. Seems to me that I have spent some time stagnating. 6 days til moving day. 12 days til orientation at school. 1 day til I leave Westward. I am kinda tired but really impatient.

Pulverisateur

2005-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

I wonder how well this bandana is helping me from becoming accidentally poisioned with Premise 1000. (With Precor Insect Growth Regulator! ) Probably not at all. Y'all know that, that paper mask which surgeons wear does absolutely nothing after about 15 mins? After it becomes moist from breath, it no longer does its job. I found it hilarious when people were wearing them during the Anthrax paranoia.

About 20% of untreated cases of cutaneous anthrax will result in death. http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbmd/diseaseinfo/anthrax_g.htm

[Random site. I cannot be held accountable for accuracy of these random links. I just dig links.]
What about inhalation? Not good.
The guinea pigs are out on the balcony and I have sprayed most of the apartment. I wonder how long it will take before it isn't toxic in here for those little guys. Better not put them back on the carpet until tomorrow. I would feel really bad if I killed them.

This doesn't feel good

2005-08-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

So, I took an apartment. I don't feel super great about it. It's way out in Nowhereland. Niles is not going to like not being able to go outside. I feel like I'm not doin' right by my best friend. That and there doesn't seem to be a grocery store anywhere near by. I'll have to eat ol' electronics and used wedding dresses. Oh well, we will have to make due. I'm impatient to get on with the next chapter of my life and yet I am reluctant to get started on the things that I have to do. I'm scared.

For the past three days I have had a hanging feeling of aprehension and dread. The feeling of impending doom. I don't know where it is coming from. Since I was a child, it has bothered me that I cannot see the future. There is something to that. I think that mentally I have figured the math that if I knew what would happen, I could act accordingly. Instead, I should adopt the mentality that what I do now affects my future. I can better the unforseeable by acting on the now. Does that make any sense? It's totally obvious, I guess. 'Normal' people know this already.

I read somewhere that mental contructs and psychological patterns i.e. ways of coping are imprinted between ages 11 and 13 years. Permenantly. Keep this in mind when you are about to embarrass a 12 year old kid. So what does this mean? If during this crucial learning period, a kid had no choice but to avoid or ignore negative situations in order to cope (it's not that bad...head in the sand) they will avoid negative situations when faced with them, for the rest of their adult life. Welcome to my life.
I know I avoid. I know that I deny and procrastinate. I think that recognizing this behavior is a good start. Time to clean the tub. Mannnn...

COMMENTS

2005-08-12T23:05:00.000-07:00

Sure, I welcome comments from strangers. Even off topic. But not if they are going to advertise things. What's this?

Do they mean the Metro? DO I care? Does it have anything to do with my ramble babble. I will incorporate it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR RANDOM PLUG FOR HEARING AIDS.

I'm not going to pull all my comments just because some asshole tagged my blog with random advertisement. Jerk!
FUCK THE METRO.
Those people PISS ME OFF@!! Don't block my way with your stupid crap papers. Wasters. Shit hawkers. I gotta stop reading those things.

Door number three

2005-08-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

I got there early and already, I thought it was the ugliest house on the block. I walked around the place first. A couple arrived, who were also there for the viewing. The apartment for rent was one floor up and i couldn't see how Niles could get out. He'd have to go out on the roof.. It would be an ok place if it was just me. Close to Broadway skytain but it was right on E. 12th. LOts of traffic. Two more people showed up to look at the place. There are a lot of people hunting for apartments right now and it makes me nervous. Dad and I are going to scout around tomorrow and I hope something shows up.
I finally got money.

Did anyone notice?

2005-08-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

It's been driving me crazy. "/You have to believe that mercy has it's own country.. [ok, got it] and it's round and borderless./" Nothing can be ROUND and BORDERLESS. The definition of a circle is that the distance from the edge to the center point is the same through 360 degrees. Shapes have form. To have form they must have closed sides or edges. A circumference in this case. Now if it was 'round as in 'all around' and borderless that would be ok, but that is not what I hear in the song. Regardless, I still love the song.

Animal-Ani Difranco

This is a whole lot what my manic up-swing feels like. I felt it take off a few days ago. I will come down. Maybe its the moon or maybe I am a-typical depressive//manic depression//bipolar. Pick one, or try all three!!
(four posts is enough for tonight)

Not terrible

2005-08-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

The 'pie' came out a glutinous mass with some apple in it. Kinda like a cake or bread that is not cooked all the way through. I forgot that oat does that. It makes for stickiness.
The apples could have used some more attention with the sugar and more lemon juice. Oh well. It's edible. Oh butter!

Home-made

2005-08-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

i'm in the midst of baking some sort of apple pie-like concoction. My fren had some very green and tart apples from a tree in her fabulous garden. Blackberries too.

So the recipe was thrown together, as i have no money left really to speak of.. (does 3 dollars in nickels count as money? i have counted it, as money, but i am reluctant to spend it...as money {hold on a sec here bud, let me count out my 60 nickels}):

three smallish green-like-hell apples

a bag of blackberries

flour

granola

crushed walnut

brown sug

white sug

cinamon

lemon juice

fake egg

(raisins at the bottom for a surprise)

what's missing? well, butter for one. i have no idea if this is going to stick. fruit pies are usually soupy when i make them, from receipes that is. i wonder what it'll be like now that i am freestylin'.

i made a 'batter' out of fake egg mix, granola flour and water. It seemed to be possible.
'Fake Egg' to those wondering.... is made from what, i have no idea. Find out for me, will you?
i have it because lived with a guy once who was deathly (sweaty, keel over, throat closin', heart attack, coma, dead in under twenty minutes w/out adrenaline) allergic to egg.

That's allergic. So, there was never eggs or egg-filled products around the house.

EnerG No preservatives, Artificial flavorings or Sugar Added. Sodium free. No cholesterol.
Egg Replacer A culinary egg substitute 2 tablespoons = 1 egg.
(What the hell is this shit made from? Potato starch, tapioca flour, leavening (calcium lactate, calcium carbonate, citric acid) Calcium lactate is not dairy derived. It does not contain lactose.
So where is it from? Synthetic. http://www.answers.com/topic/lactic-acid

Is this some sort of vegan food? It has a crazy amino acid breakdown I will not include here.

Why do people discriminate against my animals?

2005-08-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

I have some very well-behaved animals as pets. I've just been lucky.
I have been honest with these prospective landlords because I'm not exactly sure how it works. Can I get kicked out?I don't want to start something bad so I figure I should tell these jerks that I have two guinea pigs: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guinea_pigs (They are not gerbils or hamsters, for the LAST TIME. Look at the pictures people.)
I wish I had a digital camera. They are cute, relatively small and quiet. If I clean their cage regularily they don't smell bad. Barn-like, I guess. I can't really smell them so it's no problem for me. SO many places i looked at on the BCIT housing page said no pets. Usually I have to find an apartment for Niles! A little Siamese: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siamese_cats, he is so polite. He is like 8 lbs and he won't do his dirty business in the house. I don't know why a landlord wouldn't like him. He's totally not for pooping in a contained space and won't go more than once in the same place. I mean, most animals don't unless they are in a cage. (you don't want the predators to know where you are...shh.) Civilization = in a cage..hmmm.. no, I like my toilet, thank you very much. Speaking of plumbling. I had a near disaster in the kitchen today.
All of a sudden: GLUG-GLUGG- PSFF- AH- GLUG- LG.. my kitchen sink starts backing up with soapy water and a terrifying-looking straw. I don't know why it was so scary. It happened twice. I was not impressed. This has never happened before. A satanic episode. Maybe, my sink is possessed. A drinking straw came up both times. Where the hell is that water coming from? The laundry room?

House Party

2005-08-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

Went to a stellar house party on Fri night. Fantastic. Nothing like a booming DJ gig in the middle of an industrial area. My old neighbourhood. I got to see some peeps I don't see very often. I didn't drink much at all but cruising on a great time, I was up all night. Too bad I missed Garth's 4:30 am set of raging techno. I wandered off to Cas's to have some apple turnovers. I wandered back and poof it was daylight. Saturday was a write off and I completely missed an appointment to look at an apartment. Oops. Oh well. There are other fish in the sea.

The Government of Canada

2005-08-04T17:44:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, I woke up with the idea in my head to write the Prime Minister. With some strange force behind me, I went at it and drafted the most naive, idealistic piece of crap and sent it off. (I faxed it as well). The subject: The Star Wars Program. I must have been the first person in a decade to write the PM because the amount of response I have received. It's incredible. TO ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT OUR GOVERNMENT WILL NOT RESPOND SHOULD YOU SEND THEM YOUR DRIVEL OF AN OPINION: YOU ARE WRONG.

They will!! Oh yes. I was writing to say that I was delighted that we had decided against joining forces with the US in their crazy Ballistic Missile scheme.

[I am sorry but with this much buildup I cannot post the original letter, it's so naive it might as well be sarcastic]

I received, a week later, a card saying that my letter had been received at the Office of the Prime Minister and that it would be forwarded to the Department of National Defense (oh no! I thought, they are are taking me seriously--this never happens..)

A week after that, I received a letter from the DnD stating that they had received the letter forwarded from the PM's Office. (This letter is unstoppable I'm thinking. Great. Those guys are going to sit around and laugh... while they drink rye on the rocks at 11 am or whatever it is that they do...)

Today I have just received the letter from Bill Graham. That's right. I will post this.
{ok so you only get the first page for now, more when I figure out blogger.}
It basically says what I thought it would... la la-la, sure we said no to Star Wars but... la la-la don't be as stupid as to think we won't hold hands with Amerika as we plummet into hell... I mean, we have a long history with the US...lalala wait til you see how much we will spend on 'security' next year.

I would like to write Mr. Graham back and say that his letter is indeed very informative and thank you very much but I don't want a barrage of cards like I got when I wrote in the first place. Just kidding. It's very nice to see that they are paying attention. I feel like a kid.

REST

2005-08-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

REST my head against the side of the bathroom stall
And let the pain out
Tears burn my eyes, my hand on my clenched stomach
This hurts

Only let a little out at a time
enough that I can keep going
this wolf will come back later
i can howl when i get home

War on Fleas

2005-08-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

I killed at least 12 of those bastards tonight. Now, Niles knows what going in the bathroom is all about. He used to come in with me in the morning and ask me to turn on the bathtub tap for a drink. No longer.
It's sadistic but I love watching fleas struggle and then drown in the soapy water. They're a bitch to find. They torture my lil' man and in turn, he tortures me by keeping me awake with his scratching and chewing. It might take some time and effort to win this war.

A cat flea. Bastard!! (Doesn't it make you itch just looking at that fucker... me too.)

An Apartment Opens Up:

2005-08-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

8.2.2005

To all those who require the following notice:

I intend to vacate apt #xxx-xxx E.xth Ave as of midnight August 31st thus terminating my month-by-month lease with 447 Development Inc. There will be a small yard sale on or around August 26th.
Thank you for your time.

BRegards,

Arbutus

kc/KC

Summer is Here

2005-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

I went 7 hrs between meals today. Well, lunch and dinner. That's amazing for me since I have been exercising as well. Most of the food fuel we burn goes towards keeping our bodies warm and since it ain't cold, I got fuel to spare! I just had a szechan (sp?) tofu salad that was so so. Little boring.

The fleas love the warmth and it seems that there is nothing I can do to get rid of them. I have bathed that cat twice in three weeks. I have given him a dose of Zodiac (poor man's Advantage) and it does nothing. He's near a nervous breakdown with itching. I think there may be a much more severe epidermal problem. Poor little sod. I can't afford to take him to the vet because of my latest problem.

So I have run out of money... I maxed out the line severely. Bloody interest payments on the principal when now I have nothing. Swell. The lady at CIBC was so comforting. "I know, I can see it so clearly.." Yes, I am so sure she can. She and her kind came up with this scheme. I needed someone to say "Kristina!! Pay attention!!" During the part about interest and how when you get to the of the line ya fall down a hole. Sweeeet. C'mon Spetember. I can't wait to be eligible for MORE.

Much too young

2005-07-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

...to feel this damn old.
"This ol' highway's getting longer/tougher broncs, you know, I can't recall"
Garth Brooks moment.
I am getting to old for this shit. Hangovers are a drag. I could barely keep my eyes on the WESA/Mabel League all-star game this morning and it's Pride this weekend so it has all barely begun. I secretly hope it rains tomorrow. Skip to the post-parade BBQ. Sleep. I'm 27. It's time to level out or something. I'm good most of the time and I try to cut down the toxic intake (italian dressing over blue cheese? Less fried food?? Organic wine???--gotta be kidding myself) but then I meet up with a fren with trouble on their mind and it everything goes crazy. Once I am in school drinking will not happen. There will not be time for it and I will be glad. If it just wasn't such an integral part of my social scene. Integral part of my society. I'm on the edge now: Say, I'm invited to a BBQ but I don't feel like drinking. What do I do? I drink anyhow. That will change.

A year or so ago, I was at a friends B-day celebration at a bar
downtown. I was offered chemicals I didn't have to pay for. I had
made a decision that e is not something I will take ever again. Lots of my friends dig it. They find it theraputic, like in the morning they've feel washed with happy sunshine, or some shit. I don't have this reaction. Last time I did it I woke up with a more fucked head space than usual and the inside of my mouth fiercely chewed up. It took five days to heal. Pathetic junky behaviour. This was a turning point. I took a minute to think and made a mature decision. Call me tiresome but I was impressed with myself. This year is a going be all about change. From where I'm standing it feels like I'm spining my wheels. I need to step back and take a better look.
Time to clean this wretched apartment. It depresses the hell out of me. It's time for a change of local. With luck and my "let the chips fall where they may" attitude, I hope the universe coughs up a feasable new apt. I'm broke and disgruntled. I bathed the cat--that's one thing done. He did not respond positively and I have bad scratches all over me.

How hot was that?

2005-07-30T02:37:00.000-07:00

Making out with a mega-ultra-hot girl on a dance floor during some Madonna meets Mickey Mouse Club anthem. Pretty damn hot. So how am I getting in this cab again?? I'm not goin' without you.... oh I guess I am.
What an enjoyable night. So good to see kindred who I haven't seen in waaaaay too long a time.

Flyby

2005-07-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

Spice, one of my long-time friends, flew in for the night from Ottawa. Her great-Aunt Helen died on Monday night of old age. We should all be so lucky. Jewish law states that the bodies of the deceased must be accompanied until they are buried. As Helen is to be laid to rest in Montreal, Spice had to fly out to escort her.

She was supposed to arrive at 9:10 but naturally the plane was delayed until ten-ish. I hung out in the airport bar which made me nervous. I smoked a butt in the 'lounge' and watched part of a baseball game. Strangly cosmic: Mariners vs. Tigers. These so called 'Tigers' are my new favorite team. I think I like them because no one else does. That and that dude at the Home-Run Derby. Holy macaroni. He just would..... not.... stop.

Spice brought with her some of my crappier paintings from a long time ago. It's good and bad to see the progression. Some of them will look better with a thick coat of white....or ...black...

We got in a cab and started the chatter. I miss her so much. She gets me. I can never shock her, really. Even my craziness is ok with her. Love it. Love her. She rocks.

Back at my place we hung with Sonny for a bit and then set out for the Five Point. It's a bit posh for the likes of me. I feel real and acceptable in punk-ass, filthy dives. Luckily the Biltmore was shining pink in the distance, couldn't miss it. They have pool tables, which is what I like.

Spice and I met in a pool hall while I was doin' time there, having dropped out of Uni. I had a broken ankle. I sent her on a mission with my debit card. Get out 60 bucks, bring back the receipt. Trust is the essence of true friendship and love. She came back.

It's an ugly crowd in the Biltmore and the music is terrible! Tuesday night is Twoonie Highball Night. We had some good games. A lot of fun flirting with the cute bouncer. I'm a bitch in the club. I gotta watch my back and I usually chill with staff over the patrons. That's something I picked up hanging with my bro in strip clubs when I was under-age. (heh)
No one wants to end up hacked to pieces, shoved in a hockey bag, left at the bus depot.

A couple of guys wanted to play doubles with us. That or dance. (Uh, no thank you. I dance with my guuurls.) So we played them. They shirked my offer to play for money. I was only half joking. Right about the time they wanted to buy us drinks, "N0 strings attached and I swear I'm not tryin' to pick up" it was time to go! We stumbled home and passed out.
She had to fly off again this morning. I miss her again!!

Thanks

2005-07-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

To:
0Swill
1Jena
2Blue
3Timbit
5Shelley
8Cleo
9Pupcake
11Amber
12One-eye
13Jill
14Butch
20Doc
21Randy
39Bandit
88Lisa
and 33Clare, who's always there
-- [4Red]